This week I’m joining Bonnie Gray at Faith Barista for her JamWithMe Thursdays. Each Thursday she gives a writing prompt to challenge us to explore topics of faith. We can let the topic soak in our hearts and share our thoughts on the following Thursday.

What is your One Word for 2014?

“No, Daddy, I can’t do it. I’m too scared,” a little girl cries out from the end of a high diving board. She turns around to hurry back down the ladder.

Daddy calls from the water underneath, “Yes, you can do it! I’m right here watching you. I’ll help you. I won’t let you drown.”

Though still trembling, she takes a leap of faith. She believes her daddy will take care of her.

I long to have a trust like this for my Heavenly Daddy. As a child, I was afraid of my earthly daddy because of verbal and sexual abuse. Then later on as a youth, I thought I should be able to trust a minister, so I went to one for counseling. He hurt me even more deeply – spiritually, mentally, sexually. Then when I told the truth as an adult, several “friends” didn’t believe me and rejected me.

When trust has been shattered, it is so difficult to trust our hearts with anyone. But abuse in the name of God really messes up our belief in a Higher Power who will never hurt us.

I rarely talk about this distrust I have towards God, probably because I feel guilty that I don’t have enough faith or because I’m afraid I’ll be judged more. I try to trust, and by God’s grace I have come a long way, but too often I still close the door in His face. It’s amazing how much patience He has with me. Sometimes Jesus nudges me to quit resisting Him, to trust Him, and to lay my weary head on His shoulder, to trust His loving, tender, and safe embrace. He whispers, “I am always here for you, My child. No matter what you do or don’t do, I will always love you. No matter what happens in your life, I will always love you.” Then by moments, I can sigh with gratitude, but I still don’t relax enough to rest my head in His embrace.

I don’t feel like I let Jesus into the deepest vulnerabilities of my heart. I want to so much it hurts, but often I don’t. So this year I will prayerfully and purposefully focus on TRUST:

1. Trust God – Allow myself to open up my heart fully and freely to Him. To trust Him with my vulnerability. Trust He has only holy, pure, and honorable intentions towards me. Trust Him as the Wonderful Counselor who will never use His Word to deceive me. Trust Him as a loving Daddy who cherishes me and will never hurt me with His words or actions. A Daddy who will always protect me and will catch me when I fall.
2. Trust in Jesus’ healing power. He can heal those deep, painful vulnerabilities in my heart. He can take away my inadequacies and give me the power to fulfill dreams through Him.
3. Trust I am God’s masterpiece and am enough just the way I am.
4. Trust that God has gifted me with unique abilities that no one on this earth can fulfill besides me.
5. Trust my own inner voice and instincts instead of letting past or present negative voices smother it.
6. Trust that my words and thoughts do count and can make a positive difference in the lives of others.

 

“I will trust and not be afraid…” (Isaiah 12:2)