I was standing at the kitchen counter mixing up a batch of chocolate chip cookies when I heard it:

“Well, everybody’s got a story to tell
And everybody’s got a wound to be healed.”

I stopped, stood by the radio, and sobbed. This song – “Need You Now” by Plumb – always touches a deep place in my heart. A wounded place. A place I don’t like to open because it hurts too much. A place I often protect because I’m afraid I won’t be believed, I’ll be hurt again, or my thoughts don’t matter.

I don’t know why I cringe in fear whenever I tell my story. Fear of letting out my innermost heart. Perhaps it’s because I’m afraid I’ll be looked at differently. Sometimes I hear these voices of those who say, “Get over it already. The past is past” or “Why do you have to talk about it? Rehashing the pain just makes you feel worse.” And sometimes I do feel more vulnerable and depressed afterward. But you know what? Those are the times when eventually, as I cry out my need to God, I am taught the deepest lessons of His powerful grace.

Not everyone understands that it’s my past story that has molded my today’s story. Silence except to a select few just doesn’t work for me anymore. It’s time for me to take the leap to speaking out more and trusting God will give strength. If anyone hurts me with words or with silence, God will make me stronger through it. God is making it more impossible for me to keep silent with a smile pasted on my face while inwardly my heart is crying every. single. word. of this song:

“I want to believe there’s beauty here
‘Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can’t let go, I can’t move on
I want to believe there’s meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now.”

(By Plumb)

What is my story today?
It’s this desperate need.
I can’t go one. single. step.
Without Jesus and His love,
Because without Him
I gasp for air
And I cannot live on.

When some days
My heart fills with fear
And can’t find peace,
I am so, so weary
Of myself,
Of my failure to rise above
Troubles in my life,
When memory triggers
Cripple my soul,
When illness and fatigue
Shatter plans,
When depression
Sucks me into darkness.

But still…
I will keep trying to hear
His still small voice
Above all the noise.
I will desperately seek
The presence of my Jesus,
My Savior and My Friend
So Faithful and True.
I will cling to His hand
And let Him lead me
No matter what happens,
Because without Him
I cannot breathe.

I will trust Him
And His purposes for me.
He has called me
To proclaim
Hope for the broken,
Healing for the wounded,
Freedom for the captives.
Perhaps He can use me more
As a broken soul.

I will remember
The times of joy,
No matter how fleeting.
I will remember
The precious blessings
He has yet given me.
And when the sad times come,
I will remember
My God still brings
Beauty out of ashes
And He never grows weary
Of His beloved
Needing Him.

It’s always been easier to write than to speak my true feelings, but often I struggle to start a post. I know insecurity remains a giant roadblock. I have to force myself to write even when I’m downhearted, leaning into Jesus Who alone is my strength. But I believe there are some in cyberspace who feel alone and misunderstood, and my passion is to reach them. If you are reading this, know you are not alone. I’m here because I care so deeply about you. Above all, Jesus loves you so, so much. He understands you even when no one else does. He mingles His tears with yours.

What is your story? God cares, and so do I. Your story matters. As I open up myself more to others, I am learning it is healing to tell our stories because then we are actually being who we really are. When we hide our stories, we hide who we’re created to be. When we tell our stories, we are telling significant parts of HIStory – God’s Greater Story. So tell your story, my friend.

Joining Up With

Faith Barista’s Writing Prompt:
Your Story