“Three things will last forever —
faith, hope, and love —
and the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT
When I was sexually, spiritually, and emotionally abused by a pastor, I was talked about and treated as a “whore” by some people. Some said I led the “poor man of God” astray. I believed them and began to identify myself by their words. I was trash. Not even 100 showers a day could ever wash away the filth I felt.
Sometimes we are so ready to judge others when we don’t even know what lies in their hearts. I was never even asked my story. The elders never recognized all the signs and proof of abuse. But to be fair, at that time I felt and said I was totally to blame. Since I had recently become a member, I had to make my confession of guilt in front of the congregation.
Because of my experience, I feel a deep compassion for prostitutes. I know in my heart there is always a deeper story we don’t know.
Did you know that most prostitutes have a history of sexual abuse in their childhood? And the perpetrators are often family members? And this also happens in church communities? Did you know that many are victims of sex trafficking and are coerced or deceived into prostitution? Their minds and wills broken down so badly that they believe they’re not good for anything else?
Perpetrators stalk and prey on the lost, lonely, and vulnerable. So many prostitutes have never learned what real love is. They don’t see themselves as beautiful creations of God, because no one has ever told them. They feel unloved, uncared for, and forgotten.
“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than
the person who has nothing to eat.”
~ Mother Teresa
Recently my niece, who also feels a deep compassion, shared a poem/song she created from a prostitute’s perspective. It deeply touched me. I know what it’s like to feel alone and “stone cold” so as to shut off emotions. To be controlled like a puppet on strings. To feel in the midst of a “living hell” with no hope of ever getting out.
My niece, Shelley Marie, releases her emotions in songs that come into her heart. Like myself, it hurts her when someone says something bad about prostitutes. She has graciously given me permission to share her poem/song with you.
A Prostitute’s Plea
I sell my body for a dime
I’ve never heard a nursery rhyme
And if you can’t see my hurt I’ll never tell
Ya, that my life is like a living’ hell
I paint a smile on my face
And I can give you what it takes
And you’ll go on and brag about yourself
And you don’t know my life is a living’ hell
So, Please remember me someday
When all your lust fades away
And you’re contemplating where your life has gone
I once was just a little girl
Like the one you hug and give a twirl
The one who calls you Daddy when you get home
Please think of me with kindness in your soul
I never had a soul who cared
No one to hold me when I was scared
My heart is just about as cold as stone
And you don’t know how much I feel alone
I’ll act the way you want me to
‘Cause that’s all I know what to do
And there’s no part of me I call my own
And life is hell when you’re someones else’s pawn
So, Please remember me someday
When all your lust fades away
And you’re contemplating where your life has gone
I once was just a little girl
Like the one you hug and give a twirl
The one who calls you Daddy when you get home
Please think of me with kindness in your soul
© Shelley Marie
“Broken Girl”
by Matthew West
Lord Jesus, thank You so much for allowing Yourself to be broken so we can be made whole. For Your love and grace that can create beauty out of the ashes of our lives. Please give us open minds and hearts to all who are hurting. Help us to be gentle, loving, and compassionate. Not harsh, judgmental, and condemning. Please remember victims everywhere. You can see into every heart and You always know the true story. Please shine the power of Your healing love into their hearts and give them the strength and courage to break free from the chains of shame, insecurity, and fear. Give those who are still in physical and mind bondage the help and the power to get out of those situations. Give us prayerful hearts for them and the courage to do whatever we can. Lord, I believe in the power of Your love and grace! Please help!
Linking up with:
Holley – Coffee For Your Heart
Jennifer – Tell His Story
Kelly – Cheerleaders of Faith
Barbie – Weekend Whispers
Freed to Fly 
Oh Trudy, I am so very sorry that you have had to endure abuse, lack of support, and condemnation from those who should have cared for your soul. I pray for your continued healing and growth, and that you might see glimpses of the beautiful daughter that the Lover of your soul has created.
May God continue to redeem your pain as you reach out to other women who share the same story. Blessings on you, lots of them, friend …
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your loving compassion and prayers, Linda. I have healed a lot since then, but shame and insecurity can still be very persistent. Thanks to our loving God and to people like you, I am learning more and more to base my identity in Christ Jesus. As you wrote – “the beautiful daughter” God has created me to be. I am also believing more that God is using my pain for a purpose. Through it all He has given me a greater empathy and compassion for others who are hurting. I feel so deeply for prostitutes and those who have been abused and/or slandered. I am praying for you, too! I’m sure your marriage series will reach the hearts of many who long for direction and someone to care and understand. Hugs!
LikeLike
Hi Trudy! This is such a powerful post for me. I sat back in my chair, just overwhelmed at what you had to go through. How unfair. How condemning. How life-changing! My heart goes out to you, and I pray that you will come to peace someday, a peace you definitely deserve.
May God place His hands on your soul and heart and fill in the broken places with His overpowering grace.
That poem was beautiful too…
Ceil
LikeLike
You have such a deep compassion for hurting souls, Ceil. Thank you so much. Also for your loving prayers. I do need God’s overpowering grace daily. He has been so good to me. I never would have gotten to where I am now without Him! Yes, isn’t it a beautiful poem? Thank you for my niece. She is such a loving person. I think many who have been abused will relate to some of the feelings expressed in it. May God’s grace and love fill our hearts and lives always! Hugs!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Trudy, it makes me so sad that in addition to the abuse you suffered you were met with such a horrible and unfair response. I agree that it is so important to listen to others and show compassion rather than jumping to conclusions and judging them. Thank you for sharing so openly. Praying that you continue to know God’s healing in those places that still hurt. Thanks for sharing your niece’s poem- it is beautiful.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kindness and understanding, Carly Also thank you on behalf of my niece. Yes, it is beautiful. It’s not easy to be transparent, is it? This is the post I wrote to you about – when God nudged me to change the beginning to my own personal experience instead of staying on the surface. Sometimes the less vulnerable way isn’t always what He calls us to, is it? God is really calling me out to follow Him even when it makes me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. But He is also showing me that I can trust in His all-sufficient grace. I’m convinced He wants someone out in the online world not to feel so alone and to feel there is hope in Him. That’s why I share my experiences and why I felt so convinced I needed to include my niece’s poem. May God give all of us, known by us and also those only God knows of, ever deeper healing! Hugs!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Trudy, my heart aches for what you went through and how you were treated afterwards … I’m so sorry. I hope that you find continued healing even today as you share from these most vulnerable chapters in your story. Your niece’s poem is so tender, and I also love the Matthew West song (you probably are not surprised about that, though). 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you for your love and support, Lois. Yes, my niece’s poem is so tender. She has such a loving compassion. No, it doesn’t surprise me that you like that song. 🙂 I love your “song of the month” posts. 🙂 Always such meaningful, touching songs. May God bring all our broken pieces together into beauty and give us that love that no one can ever take away! Hugs!
LikeLike
Trudy, I am so sorry you had to experience such horrible abuse! Thank you, so much, for sharing your story for the benefit of others with similar experiences.
God truly is faithful!
Blessings to you!
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind support, Joe, and the encouragement you give to me that telling my story may benefit others. I pray for the words God wants me to write and that they will always be to His glory and to the welfare of hurting souls. I checked out your site. It sounds like you have been through many trials in your life and are now battling with cancer. I’m so sorry. May God heal you and give you peace and strength!
LikeLike
Your story is heartbreaking but also one of redemption. The poem from your niece beautifully shares the heart of a broken person. The line that really touched me is when she shares she once was a little girl. We forget that we once were… and we can fill in the blank with whatever that is. We all have a story that is written by God. We also have pieces of our story that are very personal and difficult to share. You have vulnerably shared a piece of your story that has been redeemed by our loving and gracious God. Thank you for giving all broken people hope.
LikeLike
Thank you, Mary, for your beautiful comment of my niece’s poem. I’m so glad it touched you. How true that we so easily forget we once were a little girl or whatever else fits in the blank. I think seeing it through that perspective helps us to be more compassionate towards others. Thank you also for your loving support and encouragement. I love your kind heart. You don’t minimize the heartbreak, making broken ones feel more validated, but you also point to God’s loving and gracious redemption. May God show broken people everywhere His powerful love and grace! Hugs!
LikeLike
Trudy,
What a blessing your niece is and her beautiful words shine a light on the darkness so many walk through. You are uniquely gifted to relate to those who need your perspective and grace and healing words. Nothing is wasted in our lives and you are living proof of that since you are on the other side to reach out with your beauty, sympathy and hope! Pouring out much love to you! xo
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind and caring words, Valerie. Shelley surely is a blessing and has a gift. She has written many other stirring poems/songs. I love how you write that “her beautiful words shine a light on the darkness so many walk through.” So true! Your words that “nothing is wasted in our lives” struck me even though I’ve heard them before. My heart swells with love to Jesus for His grace and love. He truly has carried me through. And because of these experiences, He has deepened my compassion for others. My heart aches that all may come to know His hope and healing! And freedom to fly! Our paths may be different, but I know you have hurts and unmet longings, too. May God give us strength, peace, and wisdom as we walk this journey of life! Much love to you, too, my friend! Hugs!
LikeLike
Trudy, you’ve shared what was no doubt a long enduring battle with such transparency and grace. You have a unique perspective on why that grace is so important – there is always more to the story. You echo my own heart to dig deeper rather than take people at face value. What a talent your niece has in expressing words through song. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m your neighbor today at #onewordcoffee.
LikeLike
Thank you for you love and caring, Tiffany. Yes, my niece truly does have a talent. It’s amazing how God unleashed it through what started out as a means of therapy. Yes, grace is so important, isn’t it? I must confess that at times I have and still do judge people at face value. I feel the words bubbling up into my thoughts, and I have to cry out to God to please stop all judgmental thoughts. I’m so glad for God’s endless grace towards me, and I hope He will funnel it through me. Like you, I want to dig deeper into the story behind the scenes. May God fill us so full of His love and grace that it will automatically spill out towards those around us! Hugs!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing! Thanks for your openness! Thanks for your compassion! Praying for your ministry.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind encouragement and prayers, Angel. I really appreciate them. I was just checking out your site. Such a beautiful ministry of offering hope to the broken. Praying God will bless it to His glory and the healing of hurting souls! Hugs!
LikeLike
Dearest Trudy, my heart breaks to read about your abuse. Thank you for sharing your story and speaking up about something that many people don’t like to talk about. Sending you much love and hugs!
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your encouragement about speaking up, Lauren, and for your compassion. It’s not easy to do, but I feel God doesn’t want me to keep silent. So often in my life important matters like these have gotten shoved under the rug. There are so many hurting souls out there who need to feel less alone and to know there is hope in Jesus. Much love and hugs to you, too! May God daily give you special strength, grace, and peace with your chronic illness!
LikeLike
Oh Trudy, how badly you were treated and abused, losing innocence, faith and trust in those who should have respected boundaries and kept you safe. This is a really powerful post that hits home hard just as it should. Yes, I was aware of some of the reasons why many girls and women turn to prostitution, but it still causes me pain as I ache for the sad and lonely little girl inside of them. We don’t lose her. She cries out to be seen and heard. And we cannot rest until we address her needs. May you find all the deep soul rest, safe place and healing you need as you cling to Jesus. Thinking of and praying for you. Gentle hugs and love. ❤
LikeLike
Thank you, Joy, for your loving and understanding support and prayers. We know by experience what that sad and lonely little girl feels like, don’t we? It gives us a greater empathy and desire for others who hurt. He has turned our pain into purpose. May Jesus work in us an ever deeper healing and help us to keep pointing to hope in Him! Hugs and love to you, too!
LikeLike
Oh my word! 😦 Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry you had to endure such terrible treatment and feel like YOU had to apologize! my heart breaks for you my friend! But God is using your story to give others the courage to speak up! So thankful for you! 🙂
BIG ((((HUGS)))) 💜
LikeLike
Thank you for your loving compassion, Krista. I am thankful for you, too, my friend. It’s hard to share my story, but if it can give others the courage to speak up and give them hope, then it is worth it. May God give us strength and courage day by day to follow Him! Big Hugs to you, too!
LikeLike
Trudi my heart is breaking for the pain you must have gone through. 😦 I am so sorry and am thankful for willingness to share and to help others heal. Your compassion is beautiful to me, Your niece’s poem is amazing- please tell her so! thanks trudi- sending lots of hugs
LikeLike
Thank you for your love and compassion, Susie. I certainly will tell my niece! I look forward to your Wednesday posts.. 🙂 Your poems always refresh my spirit and help me to understand what a loving Father is like. That I can lean into Him and trust Him with everything. Your art calms my soul, too. 🙂 May He give us strength to wait for His timing and follow His way! Lots of hugs to you, too!
LikeLike
What beautiful song lyrics by your niece that capture the heart of one who is suffering in prostitution. Through your testimony, your authenticity, you are helping others see the value they have and that there is hope. God is our great redeemer isn’t He?
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your kind words, Lynn. Yes, my niece really does capture the heart of suffering. God has given her such gifts. Oh, it is truly my desire that hurting souls see their value in God’s eyes and their hope in our great Redeemer. His redeeming has no limits, and no one who turns to Him will ever be hurt or cast away. Precious love. May we daily have a soul-renewing time with our great Redeemer! Hugs!
LikeLike
Praying this prayer with you.
LikeLike
Thank you so much, Jolene. There are so many hurting souls out there who need our prayers. May God make us true prayer warriors! Hugs!
LikeLike
My heart aches for you, Trudy! How brave you are to share the experiences of the painful abuse. How lovely you are to stand up for others! Many blessings!
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your caring encouragement, Carrie. I appreciate it so much. Blessings to you, too! And hugs! May God give you strength and courage for each day!
LikeLike
Oh Trudy, that first paragraph made me want to force a list of names out of you ;). How dare those people call your abuser a “poor man of God” and then harass you. I’m just sickened by this. Please know how wonderful and loved you are, my friend. And please tell your niece how incredibly talented she is! Love the poem. I have a special place in my heart for prostitutes as well. People don’t realize all of the reasons these girls end up in these situations. Thank you for helping raise awareness here on such an important topic. XOXO!
LikeLike
Thank you for sticking up for me, Candace. And for your kind words. You are wonderful and loved, too! Thank you for having a heart for prostitutes. So true that many people don’t realize all the reasons behind their situations. I will tell my niece what you say about her poem. Yes, she is incredibly talented, and I’m so proud of her. May God guide us with His love and light on this difficult journey of life! Hugs!
LikeLike