Trudy

Memory Triggers Battle With Truth, But Truth Will Win

unfailing-love

I wrote a blog post for this week, but I deleted it all.

The second time I wrote, I still deleted most of it to start once again.

ccseedsofloveGod wants me to write authentically, but He also wants me to filter what I publish through His sieve of love. Love towards Him and love toward others. That’s why I like to write days ahead of time and keep praying for direction. When writing vulnerably, I have to be careful. Sometimes it turns out that my writing is more meant to help me process raw emotions, not something He wants me to publish for all to see.

“But speaking the truth in love
[in all things—both our speech
and our lives expressing His truth],
let us grow up in all things into Him
[following His example]
who is the Head—Christ.”
Ephesians 4:15

Too many times in my life I speak or write words that should have remained between myself and God. And sometimes a trusted counselor or friend. So as I write here, I am learning to ask myself – Does this glorify God? Does it radiate with His love or with my bitterness? Does it point to hope, healing, and freedom in Jesus?

Having asked myself these questions, my post is considerably shorter…

I read a blog post that triggered a time when my heart, too, was being judged. When it felt like a giant foot stomped on the deepest feelings of my heart and ground them into oblivion.

In times like this, I teeter on the edge of the Rock that is Christ Jesus, ready to slip and tumble back into a trap of the past where my voice was silenced. Insecurity, fear, and shame battle with Truth. I desperately stretch my hand back to Jesus, begging Him – “Help, Lord! Please take my hand and hang on to me! Keep me on Your sure Foundation of Truth!”

“I cried out, ‘I am slipping!’
but Your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.
When doubts filled my mind,
Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”
Psalm 94:18-19 NLT

Memory triggers of past pain can suck us down like quicksand, but Jesus’ love can plant us back on solid ground. He can give us the strength to believe that in Him we are strong and He can keep us from being swayed into a pool of uncertainty again where our voices don’t count. When we remember again that our identity is in Him, not in the painful past, our hearts calm and rest in His love and assurance.

If memory triggers drop the bottom out from beneath us, Jesus’ hand is stretched toward us, waiting for us to grab hold. He longs to help us. He is available 24/7 to hear the pains of our hearts. May we ask Him to ground us again in His Word and our identity in Him. He loves us deeply, and no one can ever take that away.

“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish.
No one can snatch them away from Me,
for My Father has given them to Me,
and He is more powerful than anyone else.
No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand.
The Father and I are one.”
John 10:28-30

A Child's Trust

“Love Take Me Over”
by Steven Curtis Chapman

“Love, take these words that I’m speaking
Love, take these thoughts that I’m thinking
Love, take me over
Love, fill up all of my space and
Love, stand right here in my place
Love, hear this prayer that I’m praying
Love, take everything that I’m doing
Love, like a river, flow through me
Love, take me over”


ccjesusloves

signature3

56 comments

  1. These are such wise words, Trudy. I don’t think I’ve ever deleted an entire post, but sometimes big chunks get cut–either after I let it simmer for awhile or after I get feedback from a trusted loved one. I love the questions you ask yourself: “Does this glorify God? Does it radiate with His love or with my bitterness? Does it point to hope, healing, and freedom in Jesus?” Like you, I’m so thankful for the solidness of God’s truth, for His loving grasp that never lets us go. I’m glad you posted these exact words today. Hugs, friend!

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    • Thank you, Lois. So true how we need to let our words simmer awhile. Yes, I’m thankful as well for the solidness of God’s truth. May we cling to His Truth that He will never let us go, no matter how dark the circumstances!

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  2. Thank you so much for your words today, Trudy. I so needed to read them today. Such wisdom in what you share. I have been sucked down like quicksand today. So thankful for the power of His Word and outstretched grace.

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    • Hi Anna. I hope your ministry to others is going well. I’m so sorry you’re struggling today. That quicksand can tug at us hard, right? It can get so exhausting. Yes, what would we do without the power of HIS WORD and His outstretched grace? May God give us daily strength to believe in His power to pull us up out of the quicksand of past pain!

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    • I’m so glad you were encouraged, Lady Jay. I just read your painful story at your site, and it brought tears to my eyes. You have been through so much. I rejoice that God picked you up as a wounded, bleeding soul and is now using your pain to point hurting souls to love and hope in Him! May God keep using our pain for His purpose of glorifying Him and encouraging wounded souls!

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    • You’re welcome, Sita. I’m so grateful you are ministered to here. It’s so nice to “see” you here from time to time. I hope things are going well for you. In the midst of all our struggles, may we daily reach out our hand to Jesus’ offered hand of hope, love, and strength!

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  5. Dear Trudy,
    Thank you for your encouraging words again. I too have deleted whole paragraphs from my writing–for blogs and for emails. And there have been times that I wished I could find a delete button for a comment that I posted on someone else’s blog. You are so right that it is so good to pray over ALL the words that we speak, written or vocal. I am so thankful for your heart that seeks to follow Jesus so closely, my friend. May He bless you deeply for sharing that with us. You are a Blessing! xoxo

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    • Thank you, Bettie. Oh, I wish I could erase a comment I posted, too, sometimes! It’s hard, isn’t it? I struggle with responding to comments, too. I’m always questioning myself, but so often God tells me to trust Him and to follow my heart, the heart that He has filled with His love and grace. By the way, all of the comments I have read from you on other blogs always feel God-breathed and love-breathed to me. May God guide our words to His glory and the welfare of other hurting souls!

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  6. Thank you for the sweet, transparent words. I love the questions you ask to determine if your words are honoring God. It is such a wonderful practice for all of us. I have a number of posts in my drafts that I started and have never finished. I know that my words were just that, my words. When a post doesn’t go anywhere, God usually leads me in a different direction. Love you sweet friend!

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    • Thank you for your understanding, Mary. I’ve had to delete posts I started in my drafts, too. Like you, they seemed to be “my words,” and God led me in a different direction. Love you, too! May God guide us to what glorifies Him and not ourselves!

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  7. Trudy, I can’t begin to tell you, especially when I first started blogging my devotions, how many times I had to back up, rewrite, or delete because there was too much of me, and not enough glory to God. Like you, I always write my posts ahead of time so I can distance myself from it, and do an honest edit before I actually publish it. There are always, always changes to be made for the better, and I’m so glad God let’s me pour out my heart, yet shows me when to reel myself in so as not to overshadow His message.
    Blessings!

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    • Thank you, Martha. I so identify with God reeling us in so as not to overshadow His message. I know He wants me to be authentic with the pain I feel, but in a way that glorifies Him and points to hope in Jesus. May God continue to help us write to His glory!

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  9. Trudy, I’m sorry that painful memories were triggered for you this week but I love the verses you point to that remind us that God holds on to us even when we feel like we’re slipping. I love the questions you ask about your writing and your desire to glorify God. I always have a sense of hope and encouragement when I read your posts and they always point to Jesus even in the midst of the hard times. I have a few posts written too that I’ve never published and don’t think I ever will- there are definitely some things that are more about us processing things than for sharing with others and it is important to pray for wisdom to know when that’s the case. Love to you!

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    • My eyes are filling with tears at your kind words, Lesley. I’m so grateful you always sense hope and encouragement here and a pointing to Jesus even in the hard times. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I always feel that way about your posts as well. I feel like I’m really understood, too. May God give us wisdom to discern what is for His glory and what is for processing our pain!

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  10. Yes our identity does lie in Him completely! May the Holy Spirit keep guiding you in discernment. I believe timing to share our deepest stories is so important. Great for you to be listening and following His direction in this Trudy. Hugs to you my friend.

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    • Thank you, Lynn. Yes, timing is so important. I’m learning we sometimes have to give time to process and heal, so that the stories don’t focus on our pain instead of pointing to hope in Jesus. It crossed my mind this morning that the book I thought I was going to write some years ago would have been too much about my pain and not enough about what God has done to help me through it. Hugs to you, too! May God help us to daily remember our identity is in Him!

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  11. I love the wisdom you share here. I am known for just putting it out there. I’m pretty open and honest about what is going on in my life. I do pray about it, but so often I hit publish knowing there are other struggling. It’s encouraging to see how others are blessed by our writings isn’t it? Thanks for sharing at #glimpses this week.

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    • Thank you, Barbie. I love how authentic you are. Your sharing your struggles have often made me feel less alone. Yes, it is so encouraging that God blesses others through our writing. He uses our brokenness to His greater good. May His light shine within us and onto others!

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  12. Trudy,
    You know what I love about this post? That you persevered through two deletions and gave us a blog post to read from your heart anyway! And my heart skipped a beat as I read your featured verse at the top of this post since slipping and tripping was on my mind too this week! I have to confess that I determined last week I was taking a week off from the blog since I felt so uninspired to share anything, but then I tripped and stumbled and even though my readers may not find it interesting, I put together a post because I believe God has pressed on my heartstrings to write — for him. And all that to say that you do, too! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that you pushed through and are here with us this week — sending much love to you Trudy! xoxoxo

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    • Thank you for being such a cheerleader, Valerie. I never thought of it that way – that I persevered. Now that’s a God thing, right? I was tempted to skip this week. My emotions felt far too jumbled up to come out sensibly into words that glorified God or to benefit anyone. I had to go read your blog first before I answered here since you had struggled, too. I would never have known it as I read your post. I love that you pushed through as well! 🙂 You always amaze me how you can take everyday happenings and tie them in with beautiful spiritual lessons. May we keep answering God’s call to write for Him!

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  13. Hi Trudy! Your post gave me much to think about. Do I also write about things that are better left between me and God? Such a good question. And good for you for listening and obeying the word of God, waiting to see what you should share and not share.
    I’m sorry that you experienced struggles with past things. That’s never comfortable, but as Valerie said, you pushed through in obedience. What more could God ask of you than that?
    Blessings to you my friend,
    Ceil

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    • Thank you for your continued loving support, Ceil. I didn’t trust some of my mixed-up emotions. I realized that as I wrote, God helped me to process them. Only then was I ready to write to His glory. I am always blessed to read your posts. Blessings to you, too! May we be still and listen to God’s whispers!

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  14. Trudy, your openness paves the way for others to say, “You, too?” I can relate to those thoughts from the past, because negativity and trapped emotions have been having a field day with me over the last few weeks. My triggers and experiences may differ, but I share your concern not to publish what feels deeply personal without double checking again and again if it is the right thing to do, or deleting or deferring if need be.
    Although deferral seems to be the most common thing for me – to wait, reread and see if my emotions have calmed down enough, and if the words are primarily written with the desire to help and encourage readers uppermost in my mind. I’m grateful for your words this week. They have helped me more than you know. Thank you! Blessings and love. xox

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    • I am so sorry the negativity and trapped emotions have been having a field day with you these last weeks, Joy. It can be so hard to cling to the Truth when those lies pound so hard. In every post you publish, I feel God is glorified and readers are encouraged. I’m so grateful these thoughts helped you. Blessings and love to you, too! May God give us ever deeper healing and a resting in His Truth!

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  15. Such wisdom in your process, Trudy. As writers we can be so eager to share every morsel that God gives us, but you’re right – some things are just for us. Praying that in seeking Him and allowing Him first access, we can find true freedom. Blessings, friend.

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  16. Hi Trudy- Thank you! I am so grateful that you posted this- and love your wise thoughts about what to write- I feel new to all this still and I have struggled and remember a post or two that felt a little too vulnerable?- I wondered about this and the balance of writing from my heart but also not sharing what is to be between me and Jesus. I guess like you have said it is about prayer and depending on Him to show me. I also love the verses and other thoughts. I am going to hang on to this this week as I face some things I would rather not. Thank you for this truth and reminding me that he holds on to me even when it feels like I am slipping. No one can take me from his hands. What a gift to rest in that thought. I hope and pray your heart has settled and you feel yourself grounded in His solid immovable love. So thankful for you Trudi! with much love xo

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    • Thank you, Susie. I’m so thankful for you, too! I’ve never read a post of yours that is too vulnerable. I always feel less alone and encouraged to lean into Jesus with your poems. I just sometimes have these mixed emotions that I need to process. I struggle a lot with this. I’m so afraid sometimes that my writing doesn’t always glorify God. Sometimes when I’m so upset over something and it triggers past painful memories, I know I first need to pour out all my feelings to God and process them first so that when I write to others I won’t be more focused on “poor me” than on Jesus. Does this make sense?

      Yes, Jesus will hold onto you through whatever tough things you have to face. It feels so terrifying though sometimes when we feel like we’re slipping, doesn’t it? I pray Jesus will hold you close to His heart as you face things you’d rather not. Much love to you, too! May we together hang onto Jesus’ hand and rest in His deep love for us!

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  18. Isn’t it so true that sometimes we just write for us and God. I think we’ve all deleted things prior to publishing. I’m the same in that I like to write things well in advance and continue to edit them down. I’m sorry you struggled this week, but it sounds like this was the post you were meant to write. 🙂 ((hug))

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  19. Trudy, such beautiful words. Psalm 94:18-19 has brought me through some tough times too. The truths you share here are spot-on. And letting our words be filtered through God’s sieve is such a wise thing to do. I’m so glad Jesus’ hand is reaching toward us, to pick us up and steady us as we walk on the journey with Him.

    Thank you for your example of letting God show you what to/not to publish in your posts. 🙂

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    • Thank you, Jeanne. It’s such a comforting verse, isn’t it? It’s so amazing that Jesus’ hand is always reaching toward us. May we cling to His hand to pick us up and steady us in this journey of life with so many bumps and pitfalls in it!

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  20. I write things and delete them too…and I use even more pictures than words. It’s good practice. I always enjoy reading what you write. Even reading a verse in a new light is good.

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    • Thank you, Anita, for your kind encouragement. Isn’t it something how a verse can speak to us in a new light even though we’ve read it many times before? There’s always more gold nuggets of Truth to find in God’s Word. I always love your photos and your words. Nature photos can sometimes speak louder than words can, can’t they? They remind us of our Creator’s beauty and how He is still in control. Thank you again for refreshing my spirit with them. I commented on your last post the other day, but I just noticed it didn’t show up, so I tried again. Hopefully this one will go through. 🙂 May God give us light and wisdom, whether we post pictures or words!

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  21. It’s so important to stand on the truth of His Word! There may be times in our lives when His Word is literally all we have, I’m so thankful that you know Him, friend. Your words are a comfort and an inspiration!

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    • Thank you, June. “It’s so important to stand on the truth of His Word!” Amen! I’m so thankful you know Him, too. May we together encourage each other and others to cling to God’s infallible Truth!

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  22. “Memory triggers of past pain can suck us down like quicksand, but Jesus’ love can plant us back on solid ground.” This is so very true, and such a great image of Him helping us to stand. I love your words and your heart Trudy! You have been such an encouragement to me, and your words point us all to HIS HOPE. Thank you for being vulnerable and shining His light to bless others!

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    • Thank you, Michelle. You have been an encouragement to me as well! It’s hard to be upbeat when we’re sinking, isn’t it? We can never do without the hope of Jesus, can we? May we open our hearts to the Voice of Truth that will drown out the lies the devil throws at us to bring us down!

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    • Thank you for your kind encouragement, Dolly. I’m glad you can relate. Love and hugs back to you! May God lead us ever deeper into His love for us so that it will flow out to anyone we meet!

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  24. As a writer and blogger myself, I can sure relate to this post. My insecurities and fears kept me from writing and doing other artistic things because of fear of critisism rejection, patronizing comments. It wasn’t until my writing, my journal entry communications to God became my cathartic, tangible…soul medicine for me that I listened to God, and not others and slowly started to share what I wrote, what was happening with God in my life and feeling His confidence. That was over 10 years ago. I now write two blogs and working on getting my memoir I’ve completed published. God is good and I am thankful He has given you and me a voice in our writing to further our faith, whether we share or it’s just between us and God. Yes, authentic hearts and lives bring Him glory. Coleene VanTilburg

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    • Hi Coleene. I so identify with you how fears and insecurities can keep us from writing and doing other artistic things. It’s can be a struggle, can’t it? The more we want to bring God the glory, the more Satan will pummel us with those lies. But God has always had and always will have the victory, right? I’m so glad He has given you His confidence in your writing! I pray your memoir will get published and bless many! Yes, “authentic hearts and lives bring Him glory.” May we continue to be authentic in Him and for Him!

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