Has your heart, life, and voice been devastated by abuse? Is your pain even deeper because of lack of affirmation and support? Do you feel alone and afraid?
I have mentioned before that I was sexually and spiritually abused by a pastor. I have shared with you somewhat of how it affects me, how it is a lifetime of healing, and how those memory triggers can still knock me down at times.
What I haven’t said much about is how heartbreaking it is when churches still do not support victims. How they can re-victimize hurting souls by speaking up for or excusing the perpetrators. How they ignore their pain and guilt them into silence.
I wasn’t supported by the church leadership, and many Christian “friends” left me when I told the truth. Many times I felt so alone and not understood. I’m so sad that it’s still happening.
I know there are some churches and individuals who are speaking up for the victims. Who pray and work hard to change attitudes. Who learn how best to support these hurting souls. I thank God for them.
And I thank God that He led me to caring and competent counselors who helped me work through a lot. He also gave me some family and friends who believe me, support me, and understand me. I thank God for each and every one.
Above all, I thank Him that He has never left me, even when it often felt like it. When I thought He didn’t care at all about me. When the darkness consumed me.
It has been a long, difficult journey of over 40 years to healing and learning God is safe and always has honorable intentions towards me. I’m still a work-in-progress as He keeps healing deeper layers of pain, betrayal, and shattered trust.
Through the years He has strengthened my belief in the truth that we can always fully depend on Him. He is always working for our good even when we can’t “feel” Him. He remains faithful no matter what.
Jesus cries with us. He totally empathizes with us. He has been ravaged beyond anything we can imagine. His suffering was deeper than anything any of us has ever experienced. He knows what it’s like to be totally alone and forsaken.
He is the ONE who cares about us more than anyone ever will. He will never abandon us. He will always understand and support us, and He will heal us ever more deeply. He stretches His arms wide and invites us into His arms of love. He provides the safety, the support, and the healing no one on earth can.
Then Jesus said, “Come to Me,
all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
“For I will restore health to you
And I will heal your wounds, says the Lord,
Because they have called you an outcast, saying:
‘This is Zion; no one seeks her and no one cares for her.'”
Jeremiah 30:17
“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
a refuge in times of trouble.
Those who know Your name trust in You
because You have not abandoned
those who seek You, Yahweh.”
Psalm 9:9-10
“I Am Not Alone”
by Kari Jobe
Freed to Fly 
Thank you for highlighting these troubling issues. Much of the powerlessness in the church today is rooted in the failure to confront sin within the body of believers. There is a total neglect of God’s repeated admonishment, “Expel the immoral brother!” Not to condemn but to bring about shame and restore fear of the Lord.
God hates the guilty acquitted, those are His words, not mine. (Prov 17:15) Why do churches coddle offenders? Why do they facilitate false repentance? True shepherds DEFEND the sheep and bring conviction upon the heart of offenders. The church will only find God’s power by rising up and preaching the whole gospel.
Thank you sister for this important post and the beautiful song video.
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Thank you for your thoughts and for speaking out for victims, Lisa. I just looked up the Proverbs verse – “Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent— the Lord detests them both.” Thank you so much for pointing it out. It brings tears to my eyes. Yes, true shepherds DEFEND the hurting sheep/victims. I am so grateful we have a Shepherd who never fails to defend us so lovingly. May we truly seek God’s honor in all our words and deeds!
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Your encouragement through the struggles of abuse brings so much hope. My heart is so sad that abuse on many different levels still continues. I find it even more appalling that in this day and age churches still turn their backs on it.
I pray for all of those who have been hurt by abuse and who are still misunderstood. May God bring them comfort, healing, and hope.
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Yes, it truly is appalling that churches still turn their backs, Mary. I thank God that people like you don’t. Above all, I’m so grateful that God will never, ever turn His back on hurting souls who cry out to Him. Thank you so much for your loving and supportive prayers for victims. Whether the abuse is sexual, spiritual, physical, or verbal, it has devastating effects. May God help us to seek out and support the broken!
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This is a bold and powerful testimony, Trudy. Your willingness to persevere through the long healing process and also to share from your own painful experiences is such an encouragement to me. Praying for you today, my friend … that those who need to read your words of God’s faithful love will find them and that your heart would be strengthened as God uses your story this week.
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Lois, I’m so grateful you are encouraged by the sharing. Sometimes it can be so hard to talk about something that crushes our hearts so deeply. And often I have to let the words sit a while and keep praying to make sure they’re not just vented out of a hidden resentment but out of a desire to glorify God and spread hope in Him to hurting souls. This post is considerably shorter than it first was. I laid awake in the middle of the night struggling, but finally God showed me which words were between me and Him and which words He wanted me to voice. Your prayers for hurting ones and myself bring tears to my eyes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. May God’s faithful love give strength to our hearts and lives!
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Dear Trudy,
I am so blessed by your perseverance through such heavy trials. God shines so beautifully through your testimony of HIS faithfulness, even when others deserted you. I am so sad that we in the church have left behind so many hurting souls. My heart cries along with you that we could turn our backs like that! Oh LORD, help us to go after the broken ones. I am sending your story today to one of my friends who is just now beginning to find the healing of Jesus after years of abuse. He will never leave us! Love and hugs to you my dear friend! xoxo
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I’m so, so sorry for your friend, Bettie. I pray God will give her hope and healing in Jesus, that He will break the chains of abuse from her heart and give her freedom! Thank you so much for being there for her. It supports a victim so much when they are listened to and believed and gently pointed towards Jesus and other means of healing He blesses. I’m so grateful God will never, ever leave us! Love and hugs back to you! I pray with you – “Oh LORD, help us to go after the broken ones!” Amen!
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Thank you for your courage and openness in sharing, Trudy! I’m so sorry for the disbelief and lack of support that you encountered, but I’m glad you found people who loved you and helped you, as well as knowing God’s presence on your healing journey. The way some churches respond over situations of abuse is awful and really needs to change. Hopefully the fact that there has been more conversation around the topic lately will help to raise awareness and improve things. Thanks for the encouragement that no matter how alone or misunderstood we feel Jesus is there and he understands completely. Love and hugs to you!
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I’m so glad you are encouraged by the truth that no matter how alone or misunderstood we feel, Jesus is there and He understands completely. I am hoping, too, that the bravery of those coming forward will help raise awareness and improve things, both in churches and in society in general. The abuse of power is so awful, and so many are hurting. I am grateful that God is using you to reach the broken, Lesley. Love and hugs to you, too! May we together spread the word that God fixes the broken into vessels ever more beautiful, like in the art of Kintsugi you have enlightened me about!
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Oh, Trudy, I had no idea of this struggle you’ve had and the deep hurt and rejection you have endured. It takes courage to speak out, to speak the truth, even when others refuse to listen or believe. You were absolutely correct in knowing that God has and will always love you, care for you, and give you strength for each day. May He continue to hold you safely and securely in His loving embrace!
Blessings!
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Thank you for your loving support and prayers, Martha. There were many dark hours when I didn’t believe God cares, when my heart was so crushed with trust issues that I couldn’t even trust He was safe. But God has taught me He has been faithful all along, even when I couldn’t see it. I’m so grateful for His bottomless love and endless grace! May we remember the broken ones among us and lift them up in prayer!
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Oh, Trudy… I’m so sorry that you had to experience such betrayal of trust by one who claimed to be serving God. My heart breaks for you even as I thank God for His healing work in your life. What a powerful post this is! Thank you for your honesty, and for writing about this as I am sure that there are many who are too afraid to speak up and who need the comfort that you offer here! God bless you, my wonderful, godly and compassionate friend! ❤ and huge hugs!!
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Thank you for your love and compassion, Lynn. I am grateful God has healed me enough to be able to now comfort others with the same comfort He has given me. My heart aches for those who are too afraid to speak up. There are many more than we know. But God knows and cares! Huge hugs back to you! May God help us to comfort the broken as He has comforted us!
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I am sorry you went through that Trudy. It was very courageous of you to come forward to what was happening to you and then not having the support you needed at the place that should be where you can be safe….that would have been such a hard circumstance to endure. I’m thankful God led you to healing and friendships that supported and lifted you. As we know, God overcomes all as He is bigger than our circumstances, but sure is tough when we go through our trials. I thank God for you and your hope in Him that transcends all!
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Thank you for your caring comment, Lynn. Yes, it was really hard, and still is sometimes when memory triggers haunt me. But I’m grateful that God has brought me far enough on this healing journey to realize more that God is bigger than our circumstances. I thank God for you, too! May we daily cling to hope in Jesus and remember God is bigger than any tough trial that comes our way!
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Thank you for your courageous words of truth and for your continued witness here, Trudy. May our Lord send these words of yours out to those who need to hear this message most – both hurting souls and churches who need to be convicted and turn from sin.
LORD thank You for the gift of Trudy. Thank You for turning what the enemy intended to harm Trudy into good. Continue to surround Trudy with Your love and truth and bring deeper and deeper healing from the awful wounds inflicted to the glory of Your Name and the comfort of Your people. Enlarge her ministry too oh LORD that she may bring Your love to many more hurting souls.
And show us all how we can stand up for Your truth where you have placed us and help us to surround Your hurting people with compassion and listening ears, rather than turn them away or silence them. Help us to repent where we have enabled, rather than disabled abuse in the Church. Send out Your Light into the Church and lead us to deeper heart transformation that we may live Your gospel of freeing the captives, rather than being the ones to fasten the chains tighter. Give us the courage to not make excuses, but to humble ourselves and seek forgiveness for leaving Your people out in the cold. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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Thank you so much for this heartfelt, compassionate prayer, Anna. My heart says “Amen!” I so appreciate it, not only that you pray for hurting souls but also for deeper heart transformation that the church and we will not shut out hurting souls. Yes, may we live His gospel of freeing the captives, rather than being the ones to fasten the chains tighter!
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I’m so glad that you have found that God has been with you all these years, Trudy! I think these sort of things are so hard for us because we have this image that no one who calls themselves a Christian should do something like that. But I know how it is as I have been in a similar situation as you were. I don’t think we will ever be quite wholly healed until we get to heaven. But I know that God can teach us so many beautiful things about His presence and His power as we heal. Thank you for sharing your story, Trudy. It is such a brave thing to do!
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Thank you, Ronja, for encouraging me. I’m so sorry you have been in a similar situation. 😦 I pray God will give you ever deeper healing! Yes, I do think it’s harder because we expect Christians to support, not hurt so deeply. I look forward to the day when we will be wholly healed! Yes! May God teach us more and more beautiful things about His presence and His power! And may He give us His sufficient grace to keep taking one step at a time, hanging onto His hand!
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Trudy, thank you for sharing a part of your testimony here. I haven’t read much of your story.The healing God has already done in you is obvious. And the way you trust and affirm Him is beautiful. Your gentle, caring voice is a balm to many. And your words? A comfort.
Thank you for bringing light to this “issue,” and thank you for your graciousness.
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Thank you so much for your kind words, Jeanne. I can’t thank God enough for bringing me this far. I have come a long way in learning to trust Him, but I have a long way to go. He is so compassionate, patient, and forgiving, isn’t He? May we reflect His love to all, especially those who are hurting so deeply!
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This is such a life-giving, healing, and inspiring post! I praise God that you have healed to a place where you can share your experience and comfort and inspire others with a post like this. So proud and thankful for you, dear one!
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Thank you for praising God with me, June. It has been a long, rough road to this point, and it will be a continuing journey of healing, but I am grateful that God has brought me to the point where I can share and encourage. My heart aches for victims, and I long to point them to the only hope in Jesus. Without Him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Without Him, I would have committed suicide more than once in my life. In hindsight, I can see it was His loving arms that held me up and still do. I am thankful for you, too! Your posts and comments are like an oasis in this wilderness of life. 🙂 In all our troubles, may we cling to our God who knows and cares and carries us through!
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Your first 3 questions made my heart drop, Trudy, for you and all the rest of us who have suffered this way. I’m so sorry for the pain you endured, my sweet friend. But let me tell you, the way you open your heart and share your testimony is a gift to all of us that visit this space. Thank you for this encouragement and reminder we are never truly alone. Much love, big hugs, and many blessings to you!
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Thank you, Candace. Much love, big hugs, and many blessings to you, too! I’m so sorry for the pain you endured as well, friend. I know you have suffered a lot through what you have shared at your site, but I’m sure there are even deeper places of pain that only God knows. He knows our hearts better than anyone, right? I just want you to know I believe you and support you! May we cling to Jesus who loves us so much, never will abandon us, and will restore our stolen voices!
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Every time you share your story, Trudy, I’m guessing that yet one more woman is touched by knowing that she’s not been the only one, that she’s not alone. What an ongoing ministry God has given you out of your pain.
And maybe even more so now that the issue of abuse is coming to the forefront.
Bless you as you continue to reach out with healing compassion …
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Thank you for your continuing support and encouragement to share my story, Linda. I hope that when I do share, it is always intertwined with the power and grace of God that pulled me through. I am glad more victims are coming forward. That’s a huge step, isn’t it? I hope they all may have people who believe and support them. Above all, I pray they may experience the hope and healing there is in Jesus. May we together keep on reaching out to others with the love and compassion Jesus gives us!
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