Tag: self-doubt

Creativity: Courage to Saddle Up In Spite of Self-Doubt and Fear

Trudy Den Hoed10 Comments

youarebeautiful

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”
― Sylvia Plath

Self-doubt can be such a roadblock to letting out the creative spirit God has placed in each of us. When we lack confidence, we put a stopper on the full potential we are meant for. I think of a rose bud ready to bloom. That bud was created in each of us, fully intended to bloom into unforeseen beauty. But we ignore that it’s even there or we cut it off because we reason it won’t amount to much anyway.

To be creative, we need to step out of the box, the traditional rules and regulations, and let our God-given imagination create new ideas and forms. But it’s so hard when we struggle with perfectionism.

Perfectionism sets high standards that can never be reached. And since we’re too afraid to fail or we’re afraid of rejection or criticism, we may easily give up or sometimes we don’t dare to even begin. We constantly self-evaluate and always come up short. Never good enough. We can try something but give up because we “can’t get it right.”

I’ll be honest. I’m struggling to be brave, to let this long-buried creativity inside of me come out. I am trying to reclaim that imagination I had as a little girl. I remember how I used to love creating things from terrariums to a frog habitat out of my mom’s old canning canister. But somewhere along life’s journey, hurts stifled this passion in me. What I loved got nipped in the bud.

A few months ago I heard about art journaling. I looked into it more, and it drew me in. But I was afraid to start. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like something deep inside me wants to break free and be brave and create with abandon no matter how it looks, but the perfectionist part of me keeps criticizing and telling me to give it up.

Then in one of (In)Courage’s abuse support groups, one of the leaders brought up art journaling and shared one of her pages. A meaningful and healing discussion developed, and I was nudged to go forward with it. I even got brave enough to share my first page with the group. And I learned that many found healing through expressing themselves whether in art journaling or other pursuits like quilting, cross-stitching, etc.

artjournal

When I shared my first page with the group, perfectionism said – Don’t do it. It’s not good enough. And voices of the past bombarded me with: That’s so vain. Pride is a sin. This is all self-serving.

It can be so wearisome to keep replacing past lies of self-debasement with Truth, but we can’t let those lies drag us down. I constantly have to remind myself to look at myself through God’s eyes – to believe that in Jesus I have priceless value. Enough for Him to even die for. The same is true for each of you.

So I experimented with some sponges and paints, photocopied and encircled my one-year-old picture, and pasted Truth clouds to remind me of who I am in Christ Jesus. 

There’s something about it that feels so freeing even though I wasn’t completely satisfied with the result. I’ll admit I have already torn out a page and started over, but I’m trying to learn not to. Art journaling is supposed to be about the process, not the product. It’s about self-expression and self-discovery, about letting that hidden creativity come out. About trusting we don’t have to be perfect. God accepts us just as we are, broken and imperfect.

Art Journal 2

Some days when Satan shoots his fiery darts of self-doubt and self-debasement at us, we have to keep reminding ourselves of God’s Truth. My second page was one of those days… I used markers, colored pencils, stickers and a cut-out butterfly. And as I tried to just let myself go with God’s promises, Satan had to flee, and I felt renewed.

I know I have a long way to go in this self-expressing and self-discovering journey. In order to heal more deeply, I also need to let go of and express the deep pains inside of me. But this is a start. Eventually I hope I will loosen up in spite of insecurity, perfectionism, and fear.

Courage is taking risks even if we’re afraid of the outcome. As John Wayne said, “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.” It is in the saddling up anyway and allowing our hearts to take risks that we grow and learn the most about who God is and who He has created us to be.

Do you struggle with self-doubt?

Do you beat yourself up with the “not-good-enoughs?

Do you feel like the real you is trapped inside of you? Crying to get out?

Can you think of something you loved to do as a child?

How about a dream you gave up because you figured you could never be good enough?

Is there something you long to do but you’re too afraid you will fail?

Let’s saddle up anyway.

If we fall off, let’s dust ourselves off, and hop right back on.

“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”
– C. S. Lewis

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21 Days of Rest: Finding Spiritual Whitespace

Whitespace Writing Prompt:
“Take time to enjoy doing something creative or artistic.
Share what you did, how it felt and what you discovered.”

Self-Doubt and Self Acceptance

Trudy Den Hoed2 Comments

isaiah 43-1

Do you ever feel so downhearted you have to cry? You just can’t understand why, because you’re surrounded by daily blessings. You start beating yourself up, because you feel you should be rejoicing. Yet you feel so sad.

Sometimes when we can identify why we are in the pit of gloom, when we can put a name on it, we can start dealing with it. When I received Renee Swope’s blog post – When You Don’t Know What It Is – I read,  “Self-doubt was making me question everything I thought, felt and said.” That’s it! That’s my problem. I’ve been sinking back into that self-doubt again… I second guess myself 24/7. I don’t believe in myself, and I doubt everything I do, think, say, or write. I don’t even trust my own feelings, my deep-down-in-my-gut instinct. The deep-in-my-heart knowing of Truth. Those negative voices from the past are raging a hey-day in my heart, eating away at my confidence in Christ alone.

God counted us worthy enough to create with a special unique purpose. He counted us worthy enough to die in our place. He values us, and He wants us to value ourselves as unique creations with God-given gifts. I was raised with the belief that self-esteem is connected with self-worship and a form of pride, the kind that God opposes (James 4:6), and I know there are Christians today who think “self-esteem” is self-serving, not God-serving. But I believe God created our mental faculties as well, and He created us to be lovable and capable. When humans do and say things to mess up that thinking, I believe Jesus hurts with us.  He doesn’t want us to feel worthless and unlovable. He wants us to accept ourselves as we are and to believe in ourselves as a worthwhile person, regardless of what we can or cannot do, to believe in the gifts He has given us.

Self-Esteem Helps to Hope:

  • Don’t Throw Away Your Confidence – One of my favorite reminders to focus on who I am in Christ is Renee Swope’s free print-out. In three columns, she lists what our self-doubt says, what God says, and a Bible verse to prove the Truth of what God says.
  • Low Self-Esteem, Satan’s Deadliest Weapon – “Low self-esteem is a gut-level feeling of inferiority, inadequacy, and low self-worth. This feeling shackles Christians in spite of wonderful experiences, in spite of their faith and knowledge of God’s word.”
  • Self-Esteem Check: Too Low, Too High or Just Right? – “Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about your abilities and limitations. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving the respect of others. When you have low self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You might constantly worry that you aren’t “good enough.” 

 YOU Are Beautiful!