I am afraid. Especially of writing more to honor myself than to honor God. I’m afraid that my writing is selfish and inadequate. But it recently occurred to me that maybe that’s Satan whispering lies to me, because if I was writing and not caring about God’s glory, why would He even bother with me? If I didn’t desire God’s glory in my writing, Satan would leave me alone and happily let me write. If I didn’t care about God’s glory, I wouldn’t even be afraid or doubtful of writing more to honor myself or to please others.
So I’m pushing ahead… Afraid. Inadequate. Broken.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to you. But when you ask,
you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts
is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”
These verses have often been on my heart this summer. I have found myself swinging like a pendulum. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
I am struggling.
On one side, hope surges as I read of God’s promise to give wisdom to all of us who ask it. Not like a Scrooge who hoards his wealth for himself. God desires to give us wisdom with an all-of-His heart willingness and delight. Not skimpily, but generously, in abundance, more than what we could ask for or even think of.
Then I get stumped on the last part of those verses. I must believe and not doubt. If I doubt, I am like a wave of the sea, tossed about. I should then not expect to receive that wisdom.
But wait, I’m forgetting that part – “without finding fault.” God doesn’t find fault in us.
He isn’t going to find fault in my wavering between belief and doubt either. Sometimes when I waver, I hear God’s whispers:
“Oh My child, you feel you doubt too much
And don’t deserve to receive wisdom.
Don’t you remember what I did for you?
I have covered your doubts, too, with My blood.
I am infinitely more compassionate and forgiving
Than you are of yourself.
There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.
In and of yourself, there is doubt and fear,
But in Me is hope, certainty, and courage.
Believe not only in My power to give you wisdom
but in My power to breathe peace
into those waves of doubt and fear.
And believe, My child,
My willingness to supply you with wisdom
is infinitely greater than your longing for it.”
Are you afraid you are writing more to please yourself or others than to please God? Take heart. God waits for us to ask for the wisdom we need to write to His glory. His compassionate is bottomless. His forgiveness has no boundaries. His willingness to guide us is filled with endless delight.
“Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus.
But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet,
he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”
Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand.
Then He said, ‘Faint-heart, what got into you?’
The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down.”
Matthew 14:29-32 The Message
“To Be Like You”
“All I want
All I need
More of You
Less of me
Take this life
Lord it’s Yours
Have my heart
Have it all”