You Are Not Alone

Has your heart, life, and voice been devastated by abuse? Is your pain even deeper because of lack of affirmation and support? Do you feel alone and afraid?

I have mentioned before that I was sexually and spiritually abused by a pastor. I have shared with you somewhat of how it affects me, how it is a lifetime of healing, and how those memory triggers can still knock me down at times.

What I haven’t said much about is how heartbreaking it is when churches still do not support victims. How they can re-victimize hurting souls by speaking up for or excusing the perpetrators. How they ignore their pain and guilt them into silence.

I wasn’t supported by the church leadership, and many Christian “friends” left me when I told the truth. Many times I felt so alone and not understood. I’m so sad that it’s still happening.

I know there are some churches and individuals who are speaking up for the victims. Who pray and work hard to change attitudes. Who learn how best to support these hurting souls. I thank God for them.

And I thank God that He led me to caring and competent counselors who helped me work through a lot. He also gave me some family and friends who believe me, support me, and understand me. I thank God for each and every one.

Above all, I thank Him that He has never left me, even when it often felt like it. When I thought He didn’t care at all about me. When the darkness consumed me.

It has been a long, difficult journey of over 40 years to healing and learning God is safe and always has honorable intentions towards me. I’m still a work-in-progress as He keeps healing deeper layers of pain, betrayal, and shattered trust.

Through the years He has strengthened my belief in the truth that we can always fully depend on Him. He is always working for our good even when we can’t “feel” Him. He remains faithful no matter what.

Jesus cries with us. He totally empathizes with us. He has been ravaged beyond anything we can imagine. His suffering was deeper than anything any of us has ever experienced. He knows what it’s like to be totally alone and forsaken.

He is the ONE who cares about us more than anyone ever will. He will never abandon us. He will always understand and support us, and He will heal us ever more deeply. He stretches His arms wide and invites us into His arms of love. He provides the safety, the support, and the healing no one on earth can.

Then Jesus said, “Come to Me,
all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28

“For I will restore health to you
And I will heal your wounds, says the Lord,
Because they have called you an outcast, saying:
‘This is Zion; no one seeks her and no one cares for her.'”
Jeremiah 30:17

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
a refuge in times of trouble.
Those who know Your name trust in You
because You have not abandoned
those who seek You, Yahweh.”
Psalm 9:9-10

“I Am Not Alone”
by Kari Jobe

You’re Worth Pursuing

Jesus holding little girl photo: Jesus Jesus_099.jpg

One of you kindred spirits emailed me a song to listen to. “Worth Pursuing” by Laura Rhinehart. A song to the little girl… Thank you so much, Michelle!

I listened again and again as a calming hand reached down deep inside of me and lifted that crying little girl I still sometimes disconnect with.

The lyrics to this song are Jesus whispering, aching, loving me. It took me back to a picture in time. I would climb up a ladder and into an empty grain bin at the top of a rectangular corn crib/barn. I sat there alone, afraid, and worthless. Sitting curled up, hugging my wounds to my chest. Wounds I never told anyone about. Would anyone even miss me if I stayed there? Does anyone care? Does anyone know how much I hurt?

“I saw you as a little girl
When you were in this room, all alone
And you wanted to be found
But no one came and found you”

You SAW me there, Lord? If You saw me there, why didn’t You come into my heart and comfort me? Why didn’t you protect me from further abuse and shame? Why did I still feel so alone, uncared about, and afraid?

“This is your time now
This is your day
Because that little girl inside of you
Is what makes My heart ache”

So God, Your heart was really aching for me then? Were Your tears flowing down with mine? Is today the time for me to realize You were there all along carrying Me even when I didn’t feel it? Was it You that helped me still put one foot in front of another? That breathed the breath of life into Me each and every day? That enabled me to survive?

“You are My love
You’re worth pursuing
You are My love
You’re worth pursuing”

I’m Your love, God? I’m worth pursuing? I’m worth You digging deeper into my heart, reaching in to embrace that lost little girl, connecting me to her as one and the same? Are You showing Me Your love is then, now, and forever?

“I’m finding you right now
Right now, I’m finding you
That girl
And I’m taking you by the hand
And I’m leading you out into a new place
Forever that place that kept you in
Forever that place that held you in
Forever that place, forever that place
Will be shut off”

Oh Jesus, I’m coming. Here is this lost little girl feeling Your strong, loving hand holding mine. Please heal all the broken places. I will skip beside You as I anticipate new places of freedom from that place of loneliness, fear, and worthlessness.

“You are My love,
You’re worth pursuing
You are My love
You’re worth pursuing
You’re not gonna have fear anymore
You’re not gonna fear being alone anymore
You’re not gonna fear, you’re not gonna fear
Because it’s being swallowed up
In My love for you
In My passion for you”

Oh Jesus, please do swallow me up in Your love. Your perfect love will cast out all My fear. You have promised that in Your Word. Pursue that little girl inside of me that still sometimes keeps me trapped in fear.

“I’m so taken by you
And I’m gonna restore all your years
I’m gonna restore every tear”

Oh Jesus, so much in my little girl got stolen. Can all that really be restored? Isn’t it gone forever? But You, Lord, have paid the price for my sins and the sins done against me. Your sacrifice is perfect. Your blood can cleanse away all the filthy stains and make me white and pure in You.

“You will know My joy
You will know My smile
You will know My dance
‘Cause I am going to show you”

Oh Jesus, how I long to learn Your dance. I want to not merely survive. I want to dance in an abundance of the joy of Your love and faithfulness. Break away the chains that still cause that little child in me to weep and give me freedom to fly in the fullness of Your love. Let her no longer curl up in shame but rejoice in Your truth.

“I’m so proud of you
And it’s time for you to know it
You’re so beautiful to Me
You’re so beautiful to Me”

Oh Jesus, the little girl in me still feels so ugly and worthless sometimes. Please help me to see myself in Your eyes as precious and beautiful. As wonderfully made by You. As someone who is loved and always has been by You. Someone who is worth pursuing.

Do you disconnect with that little girl or little boy inside you because it hurts too much to think about? Did you feel alone, afraid, and worthless as a little child? I hope you can open your heart to this song and let Jesus reach in and embrace your crying child, that little one who was so broken by the wrong choices of some people in your life. Let Jesus, who knew you from the beginning of time, take that little child’s hand and lead you out to freedom in Him and His amazing love. You are loved! You’re worth pursuing!

“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written
in your book before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:14-16

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her:
You are the God who sees me, for she said,
I have now seen the One who sees me.”
Genesis 16:13

“So I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.”
Joel 2:25

A Scripture Lullaby – “Wonderfully Made”

May the chains break
and all your broken years
be restored in Jesus!



Linking up with: 

Holley – Coffee For Your Heart 

Jennifer – Tell His Story 

Kelly – Cheerleaders of Faith

Bonnie – Faith Barista’s Beloved Brews