One of you kindred spirits emailed me a song to listen to. “Worth Pursuing” by Laura Rhinehart. A song to the little girl… Thank you so much, Michelle!
I listened again and again as a calming hand reached down deep inside of me and lifted that crying little girl I still sometimes disconnect with.
The lyrics to this song are Jesus whispering, aching, loving me. It took me back to a picture in time. I would climb up a ladder and into an empty grain bin at the top of a rectangular corn crib/barn. I sat there alone, afraid, and worthless. Sitting curled up, hugging my wounds to my chest. Wounds I never told anyone about. Would anyone even miss me if I stayed there? Does anyone care? Does anyone know how much I hurt?
“I saw you as a little girl
When you were in this room, all alone
And you wanted to be found
But no one came and found you”
You SAW me there, Lord? If You saw me there, why didn’t You come into my heart and comfort me? Why didn’t you protect me from further abuse and shame? Why did I still feel so alone, uncared about, and afraid?
“This is your time now
This is your day
Because that little girl inside of you
Is what makes My heart ache”
So God, Your heart was really aching for me then? Were Your tears flowing down with mine? Is today the time for me to realize You were there all along carrying Me even when I didn’t feel it? Was it You that helped me still put one foot in front of another? That breathed the breath of life into Me each and every day? That enabled me to survive?
“You are My love
You’re worth pursuing
You are My love
You’re worth pursuing”
I’m Your love, God? I’m worth pursuing? I’m worth You digging deeper into my heart, reaching in to embrace that lost little girl, connecting me to her as one and the same? Are You showing Me Your love is then, now, and forever?
“I’m finding you right now
Right now, I’m finding you
That girl
And I’m taking you by the hand
And I’m leading you out into a new place
Forever that place that kept you in
Forever that place that held you in
Forever that place, forever that place
Will be shut off”
Oh Jesus, I’m coming. Here is this lost little girl feeling Your strong, loving hand holding mine. Please heal all the broken places. I will skip beside You as I anticipate new places of freedom from that place of loneliness, fear, and worthlessness.
“You are My love,
You’re worth pursuing
You are My love
You’re worth pursuing
You’re not gonna have fear anymore
You’re not gonna fear being alone anymore
You’re not gonna fear, you’re not gonna fear
Because it’s being swallowed up
In My love for you
In My passion for you”
Oh Jesus, please do swallow me up in Your love. Your perfect love will cast out all My fear. You have promised that in Your Word. Pursue that little girl inside of me that still sometimes keeps me trapped in fear.
“I’m so taken by you
And I’m gonna restore all your years
I’m gonna restore every tear”
Oh Jesus, so much in my little girl got stolen. Can all that really be restored? Isn’t it gone forever? But You, Lord, have paid the price for my sins and the sins done against me. Your sacrifice is perfect. Your blood can cleanse away all the filthy stains and make me white and pure in You.
“You will know My joy
You will know My smile
You will know My dance
‘Cause I am going to show you”
Oh Jesus, how I long to learn Your dance. I want to not merely survive. I want to dance in an abundance of the joy of Your love and faithfulness. Break away the chains that still cause that little child in me to weep and give me freedom to fly in the fullness of Your love. Let her no longer curl up in shame but rejoice in Your truth.
“I’m so proud of you
And it’s time for you to know it
You’re so beautiful to Me
You’re so beautiful to Me”
Oh Jesus, the little girl in me still feels so ugly and worthless sometimes. Please help me to see myself in Your eyes as precious and beautiful. As wonderfully made by You. As someone who is loved and always has been by You. Someone who is worth pursuing.
Do you disconnect with that little girl or little boy inside you because it hurts too much to think about? Did you feel alone, afraid, and worthless as a little child? I hope you can open your heart to this song and let Jesus reach in and embrace your crying child, that little one who was so broken by the wrong choices of some people in your life. Let Jesus, who knew you from the beginning of time, take that little child’s hand and lead you out to freedom in Him and His amazing love. You are loved! You’re worth pursuing!
“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written
in your book before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:14-16“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her:
You are the God who sees me, for she said,
I have now seen the One who sees me.”
Genesis 16:13“So I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.”
Joel 2:25
A Scripture Lullaby – “Wonderfully Made”
May the chains break
and all your broken years
be restored in Jesus!
Linking up with:
Holley – Coffee For Your Heart
Jennifer – Tell His Story
Kelly – Cheerleaders of Faith
Bonnie – Faith Barista’s Beloved Brews
Freed to Fly 
Every time I come here I feel more of a kindred spirit to you, Trudy. I have so much unresolved childhood pain. I still cry for that little girl inside of me. I pinned this so I can come back to it often. What a perfect day for me to read your beautiful words. I have an assignment this week from a Bible study at my church to take a step towards forgiving someone. I decided to write a letter to my dad. I’m not sure I’ll even send it, but I know it’s time to at least write it. Thank you for your timely and loving encouragement, my friend.
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I’m so grateful you are encouraged, Candace. I’m so sorry for your pain as a little girl. That can affect us so much throughout our lives. What a brave step towards forgiveness! But don’t be too hard on yourself, ok? Sometimes forgiveness can be a daily process. Sometimes I think I’ve forgiven, but then all of a sudden, I have to forgive all over again. I have learned that Jesus is so understanding and patient with us. And someday when we are with Him forever, we will be able to perfectly forgive. May Jesus hold you so close to His heart that you will hear the rhythm of His faithful love for you! Hugs to you, kindred spirit! 💞
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Trudy, this is truly moving. Tears fell as I listened to the songs and read your words. The little girl inside of me is also desperate to believe she is loved and cared for. This healing journey can feel so long and wearisome sometimes. But it is greatly relieved by kindred spirits sharing it with us. You are one who I feel a close soul connection to. And I know I’m not alone in that. In the sharing of your story, your heart yearnings, and God’s answers in His word, you are reaching other wounded souls who need to know they too can break free from the pain of childhood abuse.
Your words here:” I want to not merely survive. I want to dance in an abundance of the joy of Your love and faithfulness. Break away the chains that still cause that little child in me to weep and give me freedom to fly in the fullness of Your love.” find an answering ‘Amen!’ in my heart. May we learn to live freely, fly in the steady current of His grace, dip hopeful toes into each day and dance to the rhythm of His love poured out for us. Blessings of hope and healing to you and all who stop by here for a grace-saturated read. xox
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Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. It’s not always easy to bare my soul, but it’s worth it if it will reach other wounded souls. I feel a close soul connection with you, too, Joy. You are one of those kindred spirits who make this journey less wearisome. Love how you say “May we learn to live freely, fly in the steady current of His grace, dip hopeful toes into each day and dance to the rhythm of His love poured out for us.” Amen! Blessings of hope and healing to you, too! Hugs!
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Hi Trudy! My heart goes out to you my friend as I follow the word pictures of you sitting alone. Feeling so alone. I want to be there with you and tell you that you’re not alone. But I know I can’t go back in time, so I’ll tell you now that you are not alone.
Forgiveness is really hard work, you can’t expect to get it right the first time. Or the seventh. I really admire how you are actively trying to heal your wounds. I know that Jesus is right with you, holding you closely with his eyes closed, hoping you feel his arms. Melt into his presence, I know he will make you feel better.
Have you read the book “finding spiritual whitespace” by Bonnie Gray? I am reading it now, and she talks about her past hurts and then guides the reader through meditations and discussion questions. It’s very touching and honest.
God bless your tender heart,
Ceil
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Oh Ceil, I appreciate your loving compassion so much. Thank you. You do make me feel less alone today. I feel Jesus is right with me, but sometimes I slip into that lost little girl mode. I know I need more work connecting her with the adult me. I have to tell myself that I am not her anymore and the today me knows Jesus is with me always, even when I can’t always feel it. Yes, I have read Bonnie’s book and have been thinking of reading it again. Isn’t it just so enlightening? Her book and her blog posts have made such a positive difference in my life. God bless you, too! Hugs!
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Such encouragement! I’m glad I linked up next to you at #TellHisStory
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Welcome Kristin. I’m so glad you are encouraged. Blessings of hope and peace to you! Hugs!
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This is so very encouraging I’m glad i stopped by, (so is my little girl). found you over at Jennifer’s place.
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Welcome, Diane. I’m glad you stopped by, too, and that you are encouraged. Your little girl is certainly worth pursuing! Blessings of hope and healing to you! Hugs!
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These questions are deep and ones that are difficult to answer, but I’m glad you’ve come to a place of peace with them. I know we’ll never understand God, but it is super comforting to know that he is pursuing us, even when we aren’t aware of it. Thanks for your vulnerability, Trudy.
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Hi Lisa. I’m so glad you’re comforted. Yes, you’re worth pursuing! I think I have come to realize more that someday we’ll understand everything, but for now we just have to trust we’re in good hands. Someone, I think Billy Graham, said once, “If we understood God, He wouldn’t be a very big God, would He?” My husband and I like to encourage each other with, “We don’t need to understand; we just need to hold His hand.” May God give us a childlike trust to follow Him no matter what and believe He always has our good in mind! Hugs!
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Trudy, wow! I am so thankful I shared this song with you. It really blessed the little girl in me. And your words!! You made it personal – and made a powerful connection to the little girl in all of us. I am so thankful for you – you are a blessing in my life. You are loved, friend! You are worth pursuing!!
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You are a blessing in my life, too, Michelle. Thank you so much again for sharing this song with me. It was a God-send and ministered deeply to that little girl within me. I realized that I believe God is with me now, but somehow I couldn’t believe He was there when I was a little girl or as a vulnerable youth. Now I feel blessed that He was pursuing me all along without my knowing it. I still have that song in me sometimes as I remind myself I am loved always and forever and I’m worth pursuing. I thank God for you, Michelle! May God give us a deep healing of our lost little girl and may we together dance His dance in new places of freedom! Hugs!
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How tender is our Lord! He is in the business of redemption, binding up our wounds and healing our hearts. He is not bound by time. What a beautiful testimony to this! What a blessing to be visiting you today from Holley’s.
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Thank you, Becky. I’m so grateful you were blessed. “He is not bound by time.” So very true. He was with us in the past and is in the present and will be in the future. He will never leaves us or forsake us, and step by step in His time, He will heal and restore us. May He bless you and bind up all your wounds! Hugs!
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Hi Trudy, I’m visiting from Kelly’s #RaRaLinkup. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I have 2 little girls of my own & God often reminds me of His perfect love for me when I consider how much, yet how imperfect, my love is for them.
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Hi Katy. Thank you for the visit! 🙂 Yes, isn’t God’s perfect love for His children just so amazing? Blessings to you and your family! May you all be filled with that perfect love! Hugs!
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