Write. Sigh. Delete. Sigh. Repeat… What shall I write, God? My heart feels in such a complaining mood, and I don’t want to write about that… I want to write of Your never-failing love, but my soul feels so blah and void of the joy there is in You.
Last week was extra tough. I was just getting more on top of another bad bout of bronchitis and an exacerbation of sarcoidosis, a lung disease I have. I was walking from the garage into the house when something snapped in my calf and threw me to the floor in pain. It ended up to be a torn Achilles tendon. Weird. I wasn’t even running a marathon or sliding into a base. Just walking. But the orthopedic doctor says it may very well have been caused by the antibiotic I was taking, Levaquin, which affects a small percentage of people who take it.
So I spent last week elevating and icing my heel and leg. Pain, weakness, and extreme fatigue. Trying to accept an awkward boot that unbalanced me. But those struggles were not the worse. What troubled me more is the rebellion I felt. The doubt and discouragement that washed me away from Jesus. Those violent waves that pulled me under and turned me as a crocodile does its prey. Depression wanting to give up and succumb to its darkness. Feeling like Jesus really shouldn’t rescue me. Yet straining to see Jesus’ hand reaching for me and pulling me up again. Up to His safe ship of unending love, faithfulness, and grace. Without Him I could not breathe. I had nobody else to turn to. To rescue me from the strangling hold of depression.
“Simon Peter answered, “Lord, to whom shall we go?
You [alone] have the words of eternal life
[You are our only hope].”
John 6:68 AMP
It grieves me when I doubt God and His ways. When I fail to trust Him as a God Who will always be with me no matter what and Who always has a perfect plan. Sometimes I read of people who have such great faith that they can praise God even in the midst of adversity. They go through deep pain and losses and yet they rejoice in God and His goodness. Quietly resting in His will with an adoring gaze towards their Rescuer. And I have to cry out, “O God, I am so sorry. I really don’t want to feel sorry for myself. I want to look unto You as the Savior Who has given His very life for me. It’s not about me, Lord, it’s about You and Your glory. Please, please let me be more content in my life and help me to grasp the joy that is in You. Please give me a childlike trust in You, a devotion so strong that I will still look adoringly at You even when the stormy waves pull me under. Please help me to focus more on Your precious love and goodness towards me than on the problems in this earthly life. Help me to fix my eyes on the glory You are bringing me towards.”
God has again proved to be a faithful Promise-Keeper. My ever-present Helper in times of trouble. My Rescuer from the storms that ravage my soul. The unconditional Love-giver. The always-there-for-me God even when I can’t see or feel Him. The devoted, patient, forgiving Father of His strong-willed, rebellious, wanting-her-own-way child.
He is yours, too, my dear friends. It’s so hard sometimes to grasp it with the hand of faith, especially during ravaging soul storms. But He is for us, not against us. He has not promised flower-strewn pathways all our lives through, but He has promised to never abandon us in depression’s dark valleys. He will pull us through no matter what. At the time we may despair and just want to let the depths swallow us up, but He is the Lifeguard of our souls. He will rescue us at the right time and in the right way. Again and again. No one, not even the wily, deceitful, lion-roaring Satan can take us out of His hands. God has us and He won’t let go. Never, never, never!
“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish.
No one can snatch them away from Me,
for my Father has given them to Me,
and He is more powerful than anyone else.
No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand.”
John 10:28-29 NLT
“Praise You In This Storm”
by Casting Crowns
“I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.”
Dearest Lord Jesus, You are still there
when depression sinks us into darkness.
Help us to trust You will never
let it snatch us out of Your hands.
Linking up with:
Holley – Coffee For Your Heart
Jennifer – Tell His Story
Kelly – Cheerleaders of Faith
Barbie – Weekend Whispers
Freed to Fly 
Hi Trudy! Oh my gosh, that is crazy! To just be walking and then have something so painful happen? I am so sorry for your pain and sadness.
When I read your prayer to God about feeling bad about feeling sorry for yourself, I know I felt like swooping in and getting you ice bags, and cups of coffee and magazines…anything that would help you. If I feel that way, how much more God wanted you to know how much He loved you in that moment. He is the best Father ever, and I know He wept right along with you.
I hope you’re doing better now? Still in the boot? I’m glad you don’t need surgery, because that happens sometimes with ligament stuff. Be good to yourself, and take it easy. Healing will come!
Blessings,
Ceil
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Thank you for always being so caring and compassionate, Ceil. It brings tears to my eyes to think of what you wanted to do and said how much more the Father wanted me to know He loves me. I’m trying to see God as a loving Daddy who I can safely run to. Yes, I’m doing some better. The pain isn’t as severe and I’m not as weak. Fortunately it was a partial tear so I didn’t have to have surgery. I will need to wear the boot until November 25. If it’s healed by then, I’ll start therapy. I still have a bit of a downhearted feeling, maybe because I still feel washed out, but I’m trusting in my God who is always here even when I don’t always “feel” it. I’m trying to rest in Him and His will for my life.
Is your leg fully healed, Ceil? You had an awful break. I’ve been hoping it didn’t cause further problems of discomfort, mobility, etc. May God’s grace abound towards you and within you day by day! Hugs!
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Oh Trudy, it hurts that you have been entrusted with so much. Any words that I may have sound so trite when your suffering is so palpable. And yet, your suffering parallels much of this world’s and you have an insight and understanding that reaches straight to the heart of the hopeless, never sounding trite, but sharing where your hope comes from and by sheer faith, refusing to believe that you have been abandoned. I pray that you would be granted sweet relief and that you would be led to the high places, a safe place to run wildly and experience sweet exhilarating joy. Love you, sister.
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This was my verse of the day too: Verse of the Day
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.
Psalm 51:12 AMP
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This verse has been a prayer for me, Sita. May God restore unto us the joy of His salvation! And as you put it in your other comment, may He lead us to “a safe place to run wildly and experience sweet exhilarating joy. “
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Sita, you truly have encouraged me today. Thank you so much for your love and prayers. It’s my heart’s desire to reach the heart of the hopeless. There are so many suffering ones and I long that no one feels alone in it. You bring to my remembrance now how we must ourselves go through suffering so we can better understand and empathize with others who feel hopeless. God’s lesson plans. He wants us to offer the same hope to others as He has given us. Thank you for helping me reflect on God’s all-wise purpose of suffering. Love to you, too, sister. May God lead you into ever deeper healing from all the hurts in your life! Hugs!
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God is always faithful and in your week of challenges, I love how you were still able to point us back to Him. Blessed to be your neighbor at #TellHisStory
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Oh, I’m so glad I still pointed back to Him, Mary. I am always afraid of it being too much “me.” Yes, God is always faithful every day and in every way. May He give us to cling to His promises and trust His plan! Hugs!
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Trudy, you never cease to amaze me by how you try to see the way through life’s storms, even as they appear to batter you into submission. I truly admire you for it. And this latest series of storms would drown anyone. Yet your hope is still firmly rooted in our Lifeguard, and your open confession of your desperate need of Him mirrors our own.
God wants us to be real, to be ourselves, warts and all. He knows the depths of your heart, my friend, and He knows how hard you try to see hope in painful circumstances. God sees your pain and doesn’t dismiss a bit of it. He longs to cradle you close and breathe His joy back into soul.
May you rest in His love, be at peace in His presence and believe for a deeper measure of healing to come. It will, in due time. Strength will be there when you need it. Praying for you as you recover from this latest health setback. Sending gentle hugs, blessings and love. Xox ❤
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Thank you for your understanding, empathy, and prayers, Joy. As always, you encourage and bless me with your words. This thought especially comforts me – “He longs to cradle you close and breathe His joy back into soul.” Something I need to believe and trust more. I can easily believe this for others, but I too often reject it for myself. May we together rest in His love on this sometimes difficult journey in life! Hugs!
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Hi Trudy,
I’ve thought about you all week — and prayed for you and that torn Achilles! You were on my mind each time I knelt by my pink velvet bench — and most of all I thanked God for you — because your sweet encouragement of my writing uplifts me every time I read one of your comments. I know firsthand how physical issues — big and small — can be so discouraging and really can steal your joy. But you don’t realize how amazing your perspective is to attempt to keep your joy and hope and faith strong and to press on, despite any limitations currently in your life and to continue to write and share your encouragement with us is truly your gift to all of us, friend! xo much love!
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I have to cry as I read your comment, Valerie. It hit me that maybe God is still using me to encourage others and wants me to continue. It is my heart’s desire to spread hope. Thank you so much for your loving and caring empathy, encouragement, and prayers. You have lifted me today. Much love to you, too, my friend! Praying for God to uphold you each day and give you peace in His plan for your life! Hugs!
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God is indeed using you to spread hope! I look forward to your posts every week. 🙂 Sometimes we just can’t see it ourselves! 🙂
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Thank you, dear Valerie. 🙂 I look forward to your posts each week as well. 🙂
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Oh Trudy!! I’m so sorry about your foot! It’s a slippery slope- that descent into the pit of discouragement. We so carefully have to guard our hearts. I’m finding in my own walk that Jesus may call me to let go of a lot of extra and unnecessary feelings but he’ll never let go of my hand so long as I keep holding on to Him. Standing with you my friend and learning how to truly praise Him in the storm. (Love that song!) Blessings!
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Thank you, Heather. Yes, it can be a slippery slope. I love that you share how Jesus is leading you and that He’ll never let go of your hand. I’m grateful you are on this journey with me to learn how to truly praise Him in the storm. Praying Jesus will fill you with His love and peace and guide you on life’s pathway! Hugs!
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Oh, I hope you’re feeling better soon! It can be especially difficult to remain positive when we are suffering physically. I’ll be praying for you!
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Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and prayers, Carrie. Praying for you, too, that God will give you grace and strength for each day! Hugs!
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Oh Trudy, your post spoke volumes to my heart. Those time of living with limitations are getting more and more due to the aging process. Sometimes I so long for a healing touch, to once again move without hurting, to feel the energy of youth pushing me out the door into the sunlight. Yet I am amazed that God would take on the limitations of an earthly body for me. Powerful post.
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I’m so glad your heart was moved, Betty. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with more limitations, a lack of energy, and pain. But I’m delighted you know our amazing God. We couldn’t get through it without Him, could we? Praying He will give you strength for each day and peace in His way! Hugs!
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