The pendulum sways back and forth, back and forth. Never stopping and resting. Never leaning to one side or the other. But it’s steady.
I wish I was that steady in my trust for You, Jesus.
But I also wish I would stop and rest.
That I would lean Your way,
Not on my own understanding.
Why am I always so indecisive?
Why do I keep swaying amidst a chaos of emotions and fears?
Why don’t I stop and rest, Lord?
Why do I sit ramrod straight, afraid to relax against Your everlasting love?
I’m scared, Lord, and I don’t want to be scared.
I’m afraid to “need” anyone, but I want to allow help without fear.
I want to swing my weight into that need.
To plop against You.
To cling so closely I hear the rhythm of Your unfailing love.
Beating, beating, beating for me.
Ever steady, ever sure.
Jesus, I’m so weary of not leaning into Your powerful grace.
So weary of these wounds weighing me away from Your arms of peace.
This morning I read this verse and saw it with new insight:
“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5 AMP)
So many times I have read it. So many times begged the Lord to help me to trust Him. So many times admonished myself to trust the Lord with every need, every burden, every struggle.
What I often disregard is the why… Why don’t I lean? Trust? Be confident? With all my heart and mind?
My pendulum is unevenly weighted to my side. To my misguided understanding of who I am and what I can do. The feet of my heart stuck in the quicksand of “You are not enough” and “You have nothing to offer to the world.” And so I get stuck and sink deeper in my indecision and passivity.
I’m so glad Jesus never gets weary of me or of my failure to trust. It must hurt Him. I see Him crying. Longing for me to let go of my misconceptions, to surrender all to Him. To lean on Him for all things. To be confident in Him with all my heart and mind. To accept His whispers of hope and promise as TRUTH and not lies.
My precious child, I will keep reminding you.
You are afraid. Be strong and courageous.
This vast army of fears and misconceptions?
There is greater power in Me than with them.
Stop running and believe it.
You feel inadequate?
You’re right. You are. But remember
You are My precious masterpiece created anew in Me.
Created to do the good things I planned for you long ago.
In Me you are enough. My grace is sufficient.
You have a God-sized dream that you think you can’t go forward with?
You’re right. You can’t. But in Me you can.
In Me you can be freed to fly,
To fly forward.
My beloved child,
Allow My healing balm to free your crippled wings.
Release your weighty wounds into My wounds for you.
Healing balm pouring in, singing a soothing song.
Be still, my child, be still.
Stop fighting to hang onto the misconceptions that ravage your heart.
You are wearing yourself out.
I’m here for you always.
I hear every groan and cry of your heart.
I feel your fearful heart, your sagging will, your stumbling feet.
Be still, my child, be still.
You can trust Me.
I will never, ever hurt you.
Lean against Me and remember
I love you with an everlasting love.
I will never, ever leave you or forsake you.
“This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” (2 Chronicles 20:15)
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
“I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency.” (Phillipians 4:13 AMP)
“Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him.” (Psalm 37:7 AMP)
“Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22 AMP)
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you.” (Jeremiah 31:3 AMP)
“I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)