Panic roared through my veins as the anesthesia was hooked up. Jumbled thoughts clouded my mind as I thought, “They have my life in their hands now. No, no, no! God has my life in His hands always…”
Then lights out until I woke up in recovery. It’s such a weird feeling, isn’t it? How it seems like only seconds went by?
My ENT doctor cut out a hard white spot from my voice box. She said it didn’t look cancerous, but she’s sending it up.
I often lose my voice with this chronic illness, because harsh coughing aggravates and inflames my voice box. But the worse part of all this are the memory triggers of when my abuser took away my voice.
My brother (he and my sister were also abused by a pastor) said he is coming to understand that our abusers didn’t really take our voice away, but they convinced us they did. This has really caused me to reflect. God gave us a voice that no one can ever take away, no matter how much our abusers convinced us of this. They may have silenced it and squashed it down to an inky black darkness. But even though it’s buried deep, God can resurrect it because He is the one who gave it to us.
Sometimes our voice gets caught in a maze of lies. Lies that we have no voice at all. That our voice has been taken away. That God can never restore it.
But God can and will restore our voices with His immovable, faithful voice of Truth. He can bring our voices out into the light again and restore them to even stronger than before because of what we went through.
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’
declares the Lord, ‘because you are called an outcast,
Zion for whom no one cares.’” Jeremiah 30:17
“You will be rebuilt; I will restore all your ruins!”
“He will redeem them from oppression and violence,
for their lives are precious to Him.”