“The scab came off, leaving the wound wide open.” I heard something like this on a TV program in reference to opening the wound of an abusive past. In context, it was considered a bad thing to open and talk about the wound of abuse.
So often I hear it is better not to open up those past hurts. Just leave them in the past, some say. Don’t talk about it, or you get yourself all riled up again. Forgive and forget. Bury the past and move on.
It’s never that easy. When it comes to emotions, healing is a process. If pain oozes when a scar is scratched open, then we aren’t really healed in the first place. If a wound is opened, especially if it’s festering underneath that scab, it needs to be opened to the air in order for the infection to seep out and the wound to heal.
If we don’t let these past painful emotions out, they will seep out subconsciously into our actions and attitudes. In a negative way that will hurt us and others around us, especially our loved ones.
I’m not talking here about those triggered memories that open up around certain people and places. We do need to set boundaries to protect ourselves from being hurt again.
I’m not talking either about opening up these hurts to people who don’t understand and don’t offer a safe place for us to open up. That can only lead to further hurt and may even shut us down further.
I’m talking about dealing with a past issue of abuse itself. It is never good to let it brew inside of us. It will continue to fester in unintended ways if we don’t expose it to the air.
Many years ago, I was under the impression in the church I grew up in that going to a counselor is sinful. That we shouldn’t seek for help in man, only in God. But then I realized that just as doctors are means provided for us to help us with our physical ailments, trained and safe counselors can be used to bless us in dealing with emotional issues. The emotions God created us with are just as important as our physical bodies. We’d be an empty shell without them.
So I finally went to a counselor. The first one I went to helped me to a certain extent, but I felt like I wasn’t going any further. I went to a second one, a Christian one, but she would have me read certain books that I wasn’t ready to read and I didn’t feel that books that were graphically detailed helped me at all, and besides that, sometimes her “Christianese” reminded me of the pastor and church who abused me. It didn’t feel safe. Finally, by the grace of God, I found another Christian counselor who God especially used to help me. She continually validated me and helped me to work through emotions and gain freedom from my abuser while at the same time pointing me to my true identity in Christ.
In Christ Jesus. He is who we need most of all. We need to let our past pain break wide open to Jesus so He can apply His healing balm to our troubled souls. Layer by layer, no matter how hard it is, we need to scratch those scabs off and expose them to the healing air of Jesus’ compassion, love, and grace.
His compassion knows no bounds. Maybe you’ve never been believed or validated. Jesus will believe you with all His being. I care so much, I hear you, I believe you. I am so sorry you are hurting, My child.
“Who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion.”
~ Psalm 103:4
His love reaches the deepest depths of our misery. Maybe you feel unloved or all mixed up about what love really is because of what you were wrongly told it meant. Jesus will teach you that love isn’t supposed to hurt. Love sacrifices for your well-being, not your harm. I love you, My child, so much I died for you.
“No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends.”
~ John 15:13 AMP
His grace is unending. Maybe you have been misunderstood, judged, and wrongly condemned. Maybe friends or family are mad at you or have deserted you because you told the truth. Jesus knows that and He will offer to you nothing but kindness and no condemnation. My child, in your desperation, you can find help and deliverance in Me, because I care about you so very much and desire to show you My favor.
“But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!”
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
“You’re My Little Girl” by Go Fish
(Men, just imagine you’re His little boy.)
Jesus longs for us
to rip open our deepest
wounds to Him!
Linking up with:
Holley – Coffee For Your Heart
Jennifer – Tell His Story
Kelly – Cheerleaders of Faith
Bonnie – Faith Barista’s Beloved Brews
Freed to Fly 
Yes, Trudy! Thank you! I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the whole leave the past in the past mantra. On some things, yes, that is best not to put ourselves back into old situations, but when it comes to healing leaving the past in the past means to not deal with it. It would be like saying, “Oh, I know you broke your leg, but that was yesterday, if you just don’t think about it, it will heal itself.” Doesn’t make a lot of sense.
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Exactly, Karmen. Thank you for this insight. I was just thinking this week about you, wondering how you are doing, and here you are. May we together encourage each other on this journey of exposing our wounds in order to heal those deep pains within! 💞
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thank you trudy. Next to you at kelley’s this morning. i’m always amazed at God’s reminder to me that He’s not surprised by our need of Him to succor, heal, and love. blessings on you as you are lovingly and joyfully used by Him. sue/welcomeheart
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Hi Sue. Yes, it is amazing. He is always so wide open to our need of Him to “succor, heal, and love.” Thank you for your kind blessings. I wish the same for you! 💞
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Hi Trudy! I think I have a new favorite song! The lyrics sound like what a good friend would say to me if I came to him and spilled all my feelings.
I really connected with the idea of letting a scab remain uncovered to be healed. That’s a powerful image to a nurse like me! And it translates so well to our emotional hurts too. It’s a great thing to explain not to air out our hurts to people who don’t care. That would just make it worse. But to those who love us? They are God’s gift to help us heal.
Blessings!
Ceil
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Hi, Ceil. I’m so glad the song speaks to you and you connected with the post. Yes, I felt I had to add that about not airing out to people who don’t care. That does make it worse. We need safe places to air out. Yes, people who love us. I like how you say they are “God’s gift to help us heal.” You are one of those gifts to me, Ceil, with your caring, compassionate heart. 💞
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Trudy, this is such a helpful post to encourage healing from past abuse to take place. I also appreciate the wound analogy because of my nursing background. All the’ badness’ within the painful area has to be released and cleansed before full, deep and lasting healing can take place. Yet, as you so rightly say, we need to exercise judgement and discernment in knowing who to spill to. I can also relate to thinking I’d found people who could assist me with the process, only to discover they caused further upset, wounding and delayed healing by their mismanagement ~ albeit with the best of intentions.
And then, “We need to let our past pain break wide open to Jesus so He can apply His healing balm to our troubled souls.” A truly necessary step for overcoming and being healed from a painful past. Though healing can take time and scars may remain. Each person’s journey is unique to them. I, for one, am grateful for the way you are sharing yours and enabling others to be set free too. Silence doesn’t help others to feel they are listened to or not alone in their struggles. Bless you! 🙂
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I didn’t know you also have a nursing background, Joy. Yes, we certainly do need to exercise judgment and discernment to know who to spill our story out to. It’s so incomprehensible and amazing to know there is ONE we are always safe with to spill out the deepest pain of our hearts. I hope and pray that many who are guilted into silence will find Jesus a safe place to break open their wounds to. And that God will bring others to come alongside of them and make them feel less alone and more valued. Bless you, too, Joy! 💞
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I’m glad you continued your search for a good counselor until you found the right one for you. It does make a difference. I so agree with you: What we bury stays with us. Instead, we need to bring things out into the open where we can be healed. Thanks for your honesty, Trudy.
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Hi Lisa. Yes, everyone is different, so what counselor will work for one will not work for another. Now that I’m thinking about it, God’s leading to this particular counselor was amazing. She also later became a blessing to my sister and my mom. She made a huge difference in all our lives. She experienced abuse herself, so I think she had greater empathy and insight. God bless you and keep you, Lisa! 💞
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I couldn’t agree more! God has gifted some with sound counsel and by golly, sometimes a counselor is exactly what we need! Thank you for sharing this part of your story. I’m certain it will encourage some to consider counseling in a new light… The light of God’s love! Visiting from Holley’s blog today.
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Hi Stephanie. I’m so grateful for going to counseling. God has used it towards healing. Healing is a lifelong process, so I still have a ways to go, but I have come a long way. I do hope many will be encouraged to consider counseling. It takes a lot of courage and sometimes determination to find one that fits, but it’s well worth it. I love how you consider it as “the light of God’s love!” 🙂 Blessings to you! 💞
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Praise God for bringing you the right counselor who could be the instrument of His perfect healing, and that no hurt is too deep for Him to heal and restore. Thank you for this transparent and encouraging post that will bring hope and comfort to many, and thank you for your lovely comment on Saved by Grace.
God bless,
Laurie
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I’m so glad it encouraged you, Laurie, and thank you for encouraging me in return. Sometimes it’s hard to write transparent, but I believe God wants me to write “real,” and I pray it will bring hope, healing, and freedom to hurting souls. God bless you, too! 💞
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Thanks Trudi for your sharing your story and for being so courageous- to keep going until you were healed! It has encouraged me tonight and given me hope-
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Hi Susie. I’m so glad you were encouraged and given hope. May you be blessed every day with the hope, peace, and love that can only be found in Jesus! 💞
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Hello Trudy — glad I clicked on you at Holley’s. I was once abused in a marriage and by my church.BUT my new church was a very healing place and I even later lead a woman’s Celebrate Recovery group. But out hurts hurt and these stories must come out for our healing and the healing of other hearts. I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to share one of my stories with you. Hope to get to know you better. tnx and blessings… http://sheilakimball.com/2013/10/23/their-love-helped-save-my-life-day-23-domestic-violence-awareness-in-october/
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Thank you so much for sharing your story here and in the link, Sheila. My heart aches for what you and your boys went through. But God sent people to you who showed you love and God delivered you. This touches my heart. That is how a church should treat those abused, not what some pastors so wrongly told you. I don’t believe Jesus wants us to stay in abusive situations. When spouses abuse, they break the marriage vows. I’m so glad you are now in a healing church and even help others through telling your story. God bless you and give you strength and peace, Sheila! 💞
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Thank you, Trudy. You are very kind. Blessings xxoo
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Hugs 🙂
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Trudy,
Thank you for sharing your story of healing and for this truth: “Layer by layer, no matter how hard it is, we need to scratch those scabs off and expose them to the healing air of Jesus’ compassion, love, and grace.” …((hugs)) and cheering for you!
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Hi Dolly. Thank you for your cheers! 🙂 What would we do if we didn’t have such a gracious, loving, and compassionate Savior and Friend to open our wounds to? I can’t imagine life like that. We are so blessed, aren’t we? Hugs to you, too! May Jesus wrap you in His arms of love and peace! 💞
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Hi Trudy! 🙂
I grew up this way…. the don’t talk about it and move on. I don’t think it’s any fault of the grown ups telling me that. I think it was just how THEY knew to cope with things too? At any rate, I’ve gone through some counseling too on separate occaisions. Even then I still held a lot in. Only now, in this season of my life I’ve allowed myself to open up some wounds from the past just to get to the heart of the problems. as with all wounds that get reopened, it’s a little owie but, Jesus…. the healing balm that soothes the hurt and brings about the healing! Aw, and love him for that! 🙂
So glad you were able to finally find a counselor you were comfortable with! I’ve been there too!
It’s definitely some work to find someone you feel comfortable with. 🙂
Thanks for sharing, always love reading your words! 🙂
(((HUGS))) to you sweet friend!
Krista
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Hi Krista! Great to “see” you again. 🙂 I do think that’s true that some grown-ups don’t intentionally mean any harm by telling us to not talk about things and move on, that it’s just their way to cope with things, too. More a pass-on of generations, maybe? I’ve been there, too. But we need to change that cycle, don’t we? I’m so glad you allowed yourself to open up some wounds to deal with them. And yes, oh, that healing balm of Jesus. Such great love! Hugs back to you, too! May Jesus deeply heal all your wounds! 💞
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Oh my gosh…. How beautifully spoken. You reached right into my gut to touch me. I am sitting here weeping now.
I stumbled upon your page by mistake ; well perhaps not a mistake, since truly nothing happens in God’s world by mistake; but I was looking for graphics for my own message this morning, and still hurting from the harsh words “just get over it” and BAM! Here I fall into your comforting page. Thank you so much for your words. I am comforted more this morning. I look forward to returning later to read more.
May God bless you abundantly this day…. Cindi
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Oh Cindi, I am so grateful God sent you what you needed and gave you comfort. Those words – “just get over it” – can hurt so deeply, can’t they? I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. May we learn more and more to open our wounds to Jesus and may He give us ever deeper healing! Hugs!
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Thank you so much….that means a lot. Strange how the words of a stranger can comfort more than those of a friend…..
I am a trauma & incest survivor, and was sharing how Father’s day always affects me so deeply with a “friend” and her “just get over it, it’s over” was like another punch to my face. Yes, indeed they hurt.
However, I praise my Redeemer who is restoring me daily and everyday gives me beauty for ashes. Healing does take time. Actually I’m only 3-years old being still a new babe in Christ, so I know it takes time to fix something broken. I feel others should too, but it is what it is, and I am praying for a new set of godly friends now. I am still too much of an isolative person.
Thank you for following me. God is good and your words are written in my heart to carry today. God bless you sis 💝
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I’m so sorry you were a victim of incest and trauma, Cindi. I rejoice that you found Jesus. Or should I say that Jesus found you? 🙂 I can’t imagine life without Him. Isn’t it amazing how He gives beauty for ashes? I pray God will keep restoring you daily and also provide understanding, supportive friends! Hugs!
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