Rejection Hurts and Living Loved in Jesus

uninvited-quote

Have you ever been rejected? It hurts, doesn’t it? It uproots our identity of who we really are and replaces it with who others think we are.

When I started out in Junior High, I had many friends, but one spiteful remark stole them away. I will never forget the girl’s name. I still visualize her freckled hand cupping her mouth, her reddish-blond head and lanky frame leaning towards my friends. The widened eyes as they stole glances my way. The laughing. I still don’t know what she said, but I do know my life drastically changed. My friends disappeared, my confidence plummeted, and I often traveled solo through the rest of Junior High and High School.

I think it may have been around this time that my dad said to me, “You never were much of a daughter to me.” Years later, he said he didn’t mean it that way. I realized he lashed out in anger and he had difficulty showing love, and I learned to forgive him. Still the damage was done the instant he said it. The blow to my heart strangled the life and worth out of me. I ran out of the house sobbing. I headed down the road, my heart plunking into a dark pit where I wasn’t noticed and didn’t matter to anyone. My dad came after me in the car, stopped beside me, and said, “Get in.” That was all I remember he said. 

A label fastened to my heart like gorilla glue. “I’m not good enough.” Later, other abuse, not being believed, and more betrayals magnified these thoughts that subconsciously ruled how I felt about myself. I figured since I wasn’t much of a daughter, I wasn’t much of anything. Wife, mom, grandma, sister, friend, Christian, writer, etc.

 Rejection is “a message that’s sent to the core of who we are, causing us to believe lies about ourselves, others, and God.” (Lysa TerKeurst)

I still struggle with allowing those lies to dictate how I view myself. Through the eyes of what people said or did. Sometimes I think I’m on top of it as I replace the lies with God’s Truth. But they still lurk in my heart, ready to pounce on me in my most vulnerable moments.

Rejection also influenced my relationships with others. Fearing to say or do anything that might cause them to reject me. Taking words, actions, or silences personally through my skewed perception and my I’m-worthless lens. Thinking people can’t possibly love me, because I was unlovable.

Above all, I allowed rejection to cover the truth about God’s acceptance. I didn’t trust that He could love me like He does. I didn’t take it to heart that Jesus stood alone, utterly rejected, far worse than any of us will ever be. Why? To invite us into His loving arms. To welcome us into a safe place where we will always be loved just as we are.

But how do we get there? Deeply rooted rejection is a hurt we can’t avoid. We need to acknowledge how much it affects us, grieve over it, and process it. To step by step throw out who we thought we were and replace it with who God says we are. If we don’t deal with it, there will remain a void in our hearts. A void that we will keep trying to fill with things or people who will never satisfy.

Jesus wants us to offer up all our these hurts to Him. To allow Him to enter into them with us. To grasp the truth of His tender, never-rejecting love for us.

“At the core of who we are, we crave the acceptance that comes from being loved. To satisfy this longing we will either be ‘graspers’ of God’s love or ‘grabbers’ for people’s love.” (Lysa TerKeurst)

I want to be a grasper of God’s love, not a grabber of people’s love, don’t you? I want to in every situation bring the fullness of God’s love, not my emptiness. I want to live loved. To truly grasp onto and never let go of God’s love, so rich, so full, so free.

People will sometimes reject us when we say or don’t say, do or don’t do, please or don’t please them. But Jesus? Never! His love is like no other. So unconditional. We don’t have to do or not do things to make Him accept us or love us more. In Him, we are always enough.

We are not just enough, but we are loved and delighted in.

“The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in His love He will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17

His love is unlimited. Deeper than the deepest ocean. Wider than the expanse of the sky. Warmer than the warmest sunshine. Nothing we do or don’t do will ever change His faithful love for us. People may and will reject us, but He will never, ever reject us. Do you feel His arms reaching out to you? Inviting you in?

“All that My Father gives Me will come to Me;
and the one who comes to Me
I will most certainly not cast out
[I will never, never reject anyone who follows Me].”
John 6:37 AMP

“With You, Jesus, I’m forever safe.
I’m forever accepted. I’m forever held.
Completely loved and always invited in.”
(Lysa TerKeurst)

uninvitedUninvited: Living Loved  When You Feel
Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely

by Lysa TerKeurst

Are the rejections in your past
affecting you yet today?
Then I believe this book will help you.
I know it has blessed me.

“The more we fully invite God in,
the less we will feel uninvited by others.”

liveloved

“Above All”
Michael W. Smith

“Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all”

You are always welcome here!

Signature

61 thoughts on “Rejection Hurts and Living Loved in Jesus

    1. Thank you, Linda. Such incomprehensible love He has for us! It comforts me to think as you wrote that He loves us “especially after we’ve been betrayed, abandoned, or excluded.” There is no one who can empathize with us better than Jesus, is there? May God help us to always point rejected ones to Him who was despised and rejected out of such deep love for us! Hugs!

      Like

  1. Trudy, it is really hard to shake off those ugly stickers placed on us. Each day I should rehearse what God thinks of me, but I confess, some days I get too tired. Wonderful post as usual, sister. ((HUGS)).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sita. It is so hard, isn’t it? I’m so sorry you go through those tired days, too. When we get weary, it’s so hard to lift our heads and focus on our identity in Christ instead of what is so rooted in our hearts from the past. May God help us to grasp onto His faithful love for us and His perception of who we are in Him! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Michael W. Smith’s Sovereign album was just released when I was going through a heart break of rejection and one I listened too over and over. He is an artist that truly points to our identity in Christ and His sovereign ways! Very recently I was directed to do an exercise of taking an offense (for me that was by someone who rejected me) and write the story from a perspective of complete in Christ–no offense, never threatened as we are already complete in Him, and in that completeness can extend grace to ourselves and to the one we felt had offended us. Very powerful. It really is a process of letting go, surrendering who we think we are and what we need from the world to feel complete, and embracing our completeness in Christ. It’s a daily, moment by moment, journey I say. But wow, when we have those moments, are we ever free to experience and be the light of the world!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Lynn. I’m so sorry you have gone through the heartbreak of rejection. What a God-thing that Michael’s album came out just when you needed it. I love, too, how he points to our identity in Christ. Thank you so much for sharing the exercise you did. It sounds so helpful. To write from a perspective of completeness in Christ really changes our attitude towards ourselves and others, doesn’t it? Yes, it’s a daily, moment by moment journey. May God help us to moment by moment let go and surrender and to embrace our completeness in Christ Jesus! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Trudy, Yes, it is so hard for us to grasp the deep love that HE has for us, isn’t it? I have been reading through that same book, slowly, as it is filled with too many nuggets, to skim over quickly. I too want to grasp and hold onto that love that God has, and let go of trying to grab onto love by myself from so many other sources. I am so thankful that God is lifting you out of that rejection and is giving you voice to encourage others with that same LOVE He has given to you! –Blessings and Hugs to you my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Bettie. Yes, it is hard to grasp His deep love for us. A thought just crossed my mind – How can it be, that YOU, O Lord, would think on ME? It’s so incomprehensible, isn’t it? I’m glad you’re reading the book slowly. It truly is filled with so many nuggets of truth. It has really blessed me. May we remember Jesus’ deep love and compassion for us even when we struggle along the difficult paths! I know you’re going through a really rough one right now, and you’re often in my prayers. Hugs!

      Like

  4. Our self-esteem is so dependent on the messages we receive from our parents. Though I knew I was loved and provided for, my mother was highly critical leaving me to feel as if I could never meet her expectations of perfection. Later in life, her dealing with her own self worth and finding God’s unconditional love, this hurt was mended and a deeper understanding of each other with added forgiveness gave us an even more special bond. God reconciles all to himself and in surrender and insight, with each other. He will bring about what we thought we were lacking, to actually be our strengths, and all that is for His glory.
    Thank you for sharing your deep hurts and your greater healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry your mother was so critical, Coleene. It’s hard for children to feel like they can never meet their parent’s expectations. But I rejoice that God stepped into your mother’s heart and showed her unconditional love. It’s so beautiful that God has given you two an even greater bond. I love your thoughts about God making what we felt to be lacking to actually be our strengths, and all for His glory. May we continue to honestly share our deep hurts and our greater healing in Jesus! Hugs!

      Like

  5. I’ve just finished reading Uninvited too and I love your summary of some of the lessons it contains. It is so important to remind ourselves of God’s truth. I relate to what you say about there being times when you feel you’re on top of it but then the old lies start to sneak back in. It makes such a difference when we can live loved remembering that we are always secure in ?God’s love and that he will never reject us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you read the book, Lesley. There are such important lessons in it. And Lysa writes from the perspective of having been there and still struggling with it at times. Isn’t it disheartening when those old lies sneak back in? We will have to keep reminding each other of God’s truth of who we are in Him. May we live loved, always remembering we are secure in God’s love and He will never reject us! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my, what a powerful post and tear-jerking song! I haven’t heard it for a long time, yet it never fails to move me. Trudy, so much that you share echoes similar past experiences of rejection for me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget some of what was spoken to me, nor the way it made me feel. Once I am through this month’s busy writing challenge I need to curl up with ‘Uninvited’ and absorb its life giving words, really take them to heart.
    And I still struggle with this: “Above all, I allowed rejection to cover the truth about God’s acceptance. I didn’t trust that He could love me like He does.” even as I seek to uncover this glorious truth, offer hope and encouragement to others. It’s a topic very much on my mind this year and one I am guessing God will keep me glued to until I really get it! Bless you for opening doors so that others can find the freedom they so desperately need. xo ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes, that song is a tear-jerker for sure, Joy. Even though I have heard it many times, something struck me deeper this time. Jesus was rejected and alone, and yet in the midst of all His pain, He was thinking of us above all. Such love and devotion for us! I understand what you mean about still struggling with God’s acceptance and trusting He loves us like He does. I, too, find as I offer hope and encouragement to others, I am still trying to convince myself of the same truths. One step at a time, right? May God heal us ever deeper and engrave upon our hearts the truth of His deep, deep love for us! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Trudy! I think Lysa TerKeurst speaks to many people, I see that name all over the internet. I’m so glad that her words spoke to you, and gave you some healing. Isn’t it amazing how God works through his people?
    I can’t imagine the depths of dejection you felt after your father spoke to you like that. The fact that you can talk about it is really good though. It seems like you understand why he said it, and I hope that is healing too. You are worthy of love and acceptance my friend, we all are. No matter what people say, it’s God who has the last word. And I am beyond grateful for that.
    May God bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand,
    Ceil

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ceil. To be kept in the palm of God’s hand is a blessing indeed. Yes, it’s somewhat healing to be able to see through a different perspective why my dad said harsh words at times. His silence was devastating though, too. Above all, his sexual abuse. But now I can see him as a hurting soul. He kept a lot inside, and we’ll never know what he went through in his own childhood. I can forgive him now and I am so grateful He found Jesus in the end. I now am able to remember some good things that still showed he really cared. Tears came to my eyes as I read what you wrote – “No matter what people say, it’s God who has the last word.” Amen. I’m so grateful for that, too. May God help us to be graspers of His love and vessels of His grace so that we can pour His love out to others! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, Trudy — “a label fastened with gorilla glue” hurts going on and is hard to remove apart from the working of God. So thankful for this story of yours in which God works the miracle of re-labeling and stamping His message: BELOVED — on your heart and mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How beautifully you write that truth, Michele. It really touches me with awe for God’s precious grace – “God works the miracle of re-labeling and stamping His message: Beloved” on our hearts and minds. It truly is a miracle as those labels can be so deeply rooted. May we always remember we are His beloved, so precious to Him! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I think many if not most of us have some labels that we keep believing about ourselves, but you remind us of how much God loves us. We all have dealt with some type of rejection whether it was done on purpose or unknowingly. Thank you for reminding us that His love never fails. It is truly unconditional.

    Blessings to you, Trudy! I’m your neighbor at #MomentsofHope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Gayl. It’s difficult to get rid of those labels, isn’t it? I love that God’s love never fails and is so unconditional. And He can and will replace rejection by people with His love and acceptance. May we cling to His promises of unfailing and unconditional love! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh, my heart hurts for all the ways you felt rejected, and all the ways we each do throughout the course of our lives. 😦 So lovely how you turn it around though: “I want to be a grasper of God’s love, not a grabber of people’s love, don’t you? I want to in every situation bring the fullness of God’s love, not my emptiness.” I want to be that, too, Trudy. Still a work in progress!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your compassion, Lisa. My heart hurts for rejections you have gone through as well. It can be hard to always live out as completed in God and His love, can’t it? I am such a work in progress, too. May we together keep grasping God’s love and be so filled with His love that it will overflow to others! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Trudy, I’m so sorry about those cruel things said about and to you. Those are the wounds that seem to take a lifetime to truly overcome. The journey to understanding who we are in Christ is seldom easy, but it is freeing, isn’t it?

    I loved this line: “We are not just enough, but we are loved and delighted in.” Such a good reminder to take with me.

    Thanks for sharing a part of your story here. ((HUGS))

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I think you’ve struck a deep chord here, Trudy. I experienced rejection in junior high too, and although I was able to move past it fairly well, I can definitely see how those scars affected me for many years afterwards. I’m so sorry for the hurts you suffered, as a child and beyond, and rejoice at how God is faithfully restoring your heart through his love. I’m so thankful for the courage you show with each tender post here. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind words of caring, Lois. I’m sorry you experienced rejection in junior high, too. It’s such a vulnerable age, isn’t it? Those scars can affect us in so many ways, sometimes even subconsciously. Yes, thanks be to God, He is faithfully restoring my heart through His love. And I can read in your posts how much He is restoring and growing you in His love as well. 🙂 May God help us to cling to the truth of who we are in Him! Hugs!

      Like

  13. Oh how I hear the emotions in your words, Trudy, the cutting knife wounds of such cruel rejection. I don’t think we realize just how deep these wounds go, do we? But Jesus does and He knows the only true healing balm will come when we open all the hurt to Him. So, He takes us there step by step, doesn’t He? I’m still walking through this too. So these words especially were such a blessed reminder: “I didn’t take it to heart that Jesus stood alone, utterly rejected, far worse than any of us will ever be. Why? To invite us into His loving arms. To welcome us into a safe place where we will always be loved just as we are.” I think I need to read that book. Thank you for your encouragement. Praying and trusting that our LORD will take you deeper and deeper into His healing embrace. Hugs from afar.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You describe it so well, Anna. Cutting knife wounds. Deeper than we even realize. Yes, Jesus knows and invites us to open our hurts to Him. Yes, it truly is step by step. I know you understand. I think it would be a good book for you as PTSD survivors often feel inadequate. I’m so glad you were encouraged here, and thank you for your prayers of deeper healing. May we daily open our hearts to Jesus’ invitation into His safe place where He loves us just as we are! Hugs!

      Like

  14. Trudy,
    This post was beautifully written as you shared your experiences with us of feeling like an outsider. It speaks volumes to us how words we speak or words spoken to us pierce our souls and hearing those words from a parent makes it so much more painful. What you don’t realize is that you’ve already risen up and refuted them just by sharing your heart here with your readers, who have grown to love and admire you! As you wrote, replacing lies with God’s truth is how we move forward. Love this! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Valerie, for always encouraging me. Your words about not realizing how I have already risen up and refuted those rejections just by sharing them here touches my heart. Yes, I don’t know how we can ever move forward without God’s truth and grace. His love towards us is amazing, isn’t it? May God help us to keep replacing the lies with His truth and to cling to His truth in every situation in our lives! Hugs!

      Like

  15. Yes those labels are hard to unstick and throw away. The ones that hurt the most are from people we thought loved us.
    Your post was encouraging to me. I had a lot of labels stuck to me. I’m slowly replacing with God’s love and my importance to Him as new labels.
    #CoffeeforYourHeart neighbor,
    Julie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry you had a lot of labels stuck to you, Julie. I’m glad this encouraged you. It’s an ongoing journey, isn’t it? Those labels can be so deeply rooted, but God can and will replace them, because you are so precious to Him. May we continue grasping for His labels of love and our importance to Him! Hugs!

      Like

  16. Wow! I understand this feeling. The feeling you are “not enough” because of the unkind words of others. I know Lysa’s book would be the perfect one to read and she is on my list of authors who have new books out.

    Your words today really hit home because I have been on the receiving end of hurtful comments that might have seemed harmless but changed how I thought about myself. I will be writing about this in several weeks as part of the Chosen and Approved series.

    Thank you for sharing who you are. I am blessed to know you friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry you suffer because of the unkind words of others, Mary. That “not enough” feeling can really go deep, can’t it? And it just pops up so suddenly. I’m enjoying your Chosen and Approved series and am looking forward to reading more. I’m blessed to know you, too, friend. 🙂 May we together seek to daily find our identity in who Jesus says we are, not in who others have said we are! Hugs!

      Like

  17. it was a boy. the rejection spiraled me down a series of issues all seeking the approval of a certain group. i am reading uninvited i wonder why at 41 God is chosing to deal w a hurt from 14 years of age

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry for your pain, JJ. 14 years is such a vulnerable age, and rejection runs deep. I’m glad you are dealing with it. I hope Uninvited helps you. We all want to be approved of, but people’s approval can still leave us empty, can’t it? Jesus loves you so much, JJ. You are so very special to Him. May we rest in Jesus’ safe and faithful love, one that never, ever will reject us! Hugs!

      Like

  18. Hi Trudy-
    Thank you for sharing your story- Oh how my heart aches for the little girl there that needed so badly to know her incredible value and worth. and I am so sorry you have had to go through so much pain. 😦 😦 I am thankful we have found Jesus who can perfectly tend to and care for our deep hidden away wounds- I can relate to those feelings in so many ways.I find that they just keep knocking at my door!! I am learning to let Jesus be my door keeper though- but many days I still find it very hard (like a newly traveled road) ! I like what she says in the book-to live loved because thats the truth of who we are! I just need to keep saying it until it sinks deep! Thankful to be journeying with you my dear friend – Holding onto the His promise that the best is ahead and that His richness and love like you have so beautifully said will never end!! With much love and thankfulness for you Trudy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry you can relate, Susie. My heart aches for you as well. How true that they keep knocking at our door. I love the picture of Jesus being a door keeper. We so need Him, don’t we? Living loved is such a foreign concept for me, too. We’ll have to keep reminding each other. 🙂 I’m so thankful for you, too! May God help us to daily trust and believe that Jesus loves us so deeply and to live loved! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I want to be a grasper of God’s love too, Trudy. I’m working through Uninvited with a new friend from church. It has made me unpack and take stock of quite a few things, but I am truly so grateful and overwhelmed for the resounding message of God’s unending love for us. It’s one that I intentionally and purposefully cling to every day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Unpack and take stock…” This book really encourages us to do that, doesn’t it? Oh yes, Tiffany. I’m so grateful and overwhelmed, too, for the unending love of God. May we “intentionally and purposefully cling” to the truth of His love every moment! Hugs!

      Like

  20. So much great truth here, Trudy. My heart breaks for the rejection and harsh words you faced. You’re so right though. We can’t escape it. We all face rejection sometime in our lives and must learn to find our worth in no one but Christ. In Him, we are complete. Much love to you, my friend. I’m reading Uninvited right now. So good!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your encouragement and empathy, Candace. My heart breaks for all you have been through as well. Yes, we can only be complete in Christ. May we find our worth in no one but Christ! Hugs!

      P.S. I hope I can see more pics of your daughter with animals. 🙂

      Like

  21. Dear Trudy,
    Oh, my heart hurts for you and also rejoices in how you are grabbing onto the truth of God’s unconditional love for you. In Jesus alone is the deepest longings for love and acceptance met. Thank you for sharing your heart to encourage others. Love and blessings to you, my friend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dolly, for both your compassion and your rejoicing. Yes, the only way we can be filled is through Jesus alone. God is so good to be leading me deeper into His unconditional love. May we daily lean into Jesus who loves and accepts us just as we are! Hugs!

      Like

  22. My sweet friend. I hate it that you’ve suffered and hurt this way. I pray that God continues to speak truth to your heart, mending it with each blessed word. You have a powerful testimony. You are so brave to share your story and I know that God will use it to bless all who read it. Blessings on your Sabbath, dear one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your loving support and prayers, June. I pray God will more deeply heal the hurts in your heart, too. He knows them most perfectly. May we grow into an ever deeper knowledge of Jesus and His love for us! Hugs!

      Like

    1. Thank you, Lori. “But God.” Amen to that! There’s so much hope in those two little words. I can’t survive without Him, and I know you can’t either. You know all about how words can hurt so deeply and have such a lasting effect. May God heal us ever more deeply and root our identity every more strongly in Him! Hugs!

      Like

    1. Hi Betsy. I’m glad it ministered to you. I agree that Uninvited should be a book most women need to read. I hope it blesses you! May God lead us ever more deeply into His love that never, ever rejects us! Hugs!

      Like

    1. Thank you for your kindness, Madison. Yes, it definitely leaves a scar, and there are so many of us who suffer from it. I’m learning more and more than when we honestly share our stories, someone else will feel less alone. Yes, it is wonderful when we join together to lift each other up and to spread hope in Jesus to hurting souls. My we all be united in supporting each other and lifting the name of Jesus up high! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Trudy, your transparency is meaningful. Thank you for sharing. Wasn’t Uninvited such an impactful read? I, too, have written about rejection because of this book. It really helped clarify some things for me recently. I appreciate it so much and that it has connected people/us in this way. You are worthy. You are loved. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your sweet encouragement, Tami. You are worthy and loved, too! Yes, I found Uninvited to be impactful as well. I’m so glad it clarified some things for you. May we live in the love of Jesus and remember He will never, ever reject us! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Loved this! I was reject in my earlier years in high school, and it took a toll on my social life and my love life. I always that I had to please people to accept me for who I was, but instead I always caved into what they really wanted me to be. So I played that part for them so that they could like me.
    Later on in life I learned to accept that rejection is ok, and that God would never forsake me. Still have a lot to work on in my life, but that’s just it. Life will always be a working progress.

    One of my favorite songs as well by Michael W. Smith. Great post! :))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Maria. I’m so sorry you have gone through the pain of rejection. But I’m so happy you now know that God will never forsake us. Rejection runs deep, so I’m a work in progress, too. Those feelings sure trigger easily, don’t they? May we daily find our identity in Jesus, not in what people say or think! Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

Your Thoughts Matter!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s